


Recollection

by HouseholdReylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adultery, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, I will not kill Poe., Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Not Really Character Death, reylo is endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseholdReylo/pseuds/HouseholdReylo
Summary: Ben Solo has been missing, presumed dead, for over ten years. While shopping for her son's birthday dinner, Rey sees a ghost from her past.**She needed to raise her voice, turning all the heads in the aisle, as she called out to him before he disappeared. “You have a son!”All the shoppers in their row were suddenly very intrigued by the spectacle. Ben stopped in his tracks as Rey took another few steps while she kept talking. “His name is Kit. He likes Pokemon and eats Honey Nut Cheerios every morning for breakfast.” Ben started to turn on his heel. “Your mom slips him candy bars that he thinks I don’t know about and he hides them at the bottom of his Lego box.” Ben faced her and Rey kept walking toward him. “He’s getting so tall, and I swear he outgrows his pants as soon as I buy them.” Rey couldn’t help but smile as she talked about their son. “And today’s his birthday. He’s ten years old."**Once again, DragonWhiskers made me a beautiful moodboard.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron & Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 126
Kudos: 252
Collections: ReylOlds





	1. Ghost stories

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of those ideas that I just couldn't stop thinking about until I got it on paper. I will warn you that this story will pretty much be angst the entire time but I promise a HEA for everyone involved. I'm also still learning tagging so please, please, if you see something you think I should tag, and haven't, please let me know. I will add tags as I update chapters. I also don't know how many chapters this will be. My stories just sorta take me for a ride, and though I know the destination, I'm not sure about the stops along the way.
> 
> I'm excited to be working with a new beta, dyadinbloom! I can already tell this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

What kind of kid wants salmon, asparagus, and wild rice for his birthday dinner?

Rey blamed Leia. If it weren’t for her influence, they’d be ordering pizza or cheeseburgers tonight instead of fish. Rey looked at the rows of rice on the shelf in front of her, questioning her ability to pull this meal off. She set the small, clear container with a fancy label back on the shelf and threw the Rice-a-Roni in her other hand into the cart. She was well acquainted with Rice-a-Roni.

Wrapping her fingers around the red plastic handle of the shopping cart, Rey started to walk down the aisle while she looked over the cart’s contents and pondered where they kept the fish. There must be a fish counter somewhere. That was something all grocery stores had, right? Not that she’d ever paid attention to where it was in the neighborhood market she’d been to hundreds of times.

As she looked up from her basket, Rey saw a ghost at the end of the row, stopping her in her tracks.

\--

The first few years after Ben had gone missing, she’d see his ghost often. She’d developed a compulsion to check the face of every individual when she entered a public space. Regardless of stature or gender, Rey couldn’t stop herself at every grocery store, restaurant, or park from making sure none of them were Ben. Every time a door opened, she looked up, just to be sure. It didn’t make sense—the rational part of her brain knew he was gone—but a tiny part of her couldn’t stop hoping.

Over time, she stopped checking everyone, and only watched the tall men with dark hair. If they wore a hat, she still had to strategically move until she could see their face and check. Occasionally, one of them would momentarily wear Ben’s face until Rey could blink it away. It would ruin the entire outing. She’d leave a full cart of groceries or throw cash on the table before her food arrived to go home and cry.

Now though, on the rare occasion that she did see someone that reminded her of him, it only took a few deep breaths, or a trip to the bathroom, to put herself back together and keep going.

As the years went on, she saw Ben’s face less and less on strangers, and more and more on their son. He wore Ben’s smile when he greeted Rey after school, dropping his backpack in the front entry and tracking mud on her floors. His brows furrowed in the same way Ben’s did while he clenched his fists at his side and stomped to his room before calling her the ‘meanest mom ever’ and slamming his door. His dark hair fell into his brown eyes the same way his father’s had while he sat at the kitchen table and did his homework.

\--

It had been so long since Rey had seen one of Ben’s ghosts that she’d almost forgotten it used to happen. Rey shook her head and blinked her eyes at the ground before looking up at the approaching man.

Strange, he walked like Ben used to walk; the same long legs and heavy gait quickly closing the distance between them.

Rey hummed to herself. Funny how you don’t even realize you’ve memorized something, like the way a person walks, but when you see it, it’s instantly familiar; like an old song or smell that you didn’t even know was filed away in the depths of your brain.

\--

The last time she’d seen him he’d been walking, ahead of her, into the cave. That was the last she saw of him; his muscular back and trim waist following the beam of his flashlight while her own lit up his exceptional backside. They’d been camping, and after hiking all morning, Ben had found an interesting cave that he insisted needed to be explored. Rey begged him not to, stating that bats or bears might use such a dark cavern at their home. He'd assured her there were no bears in that part of the country and that the bats would be asleep.

It turned out to be really fun, the thrill of the adventure burning away Rey’s hesitation. The stalactites and stalagmites glistened with mineral rich water. There was a small stream that fed into something they could hear was much larger behind a wall of rock. As they ventured deeper, Rey wondered when the last human beings had left their footprints in the muddy ground of the cave.

At one point, Ben had convinced Rey to click off her light so they could experience true darkness. She realized she’d never experienced real pitch black. It felt like she’d gone blind. She’d called out for Ben but he didn’t answer. Her heart started to pound as she fumbled to find the button of her flashlight. She squeaked when he suddenly wrapped his arm around her waist and his lips found hers.

The playful kiss had turned out to be his last. Ben rounded a corner before her and when she followed, she found herself alone, at a dead end. It was a large room with a high ceiling and no outlet that Rey could see. She spun around with her light and called out his name, but there was no trace of him. Nothing. His footprints just—stopped.

\--

The man walking toward her still wore Ben’s face, and Rey was surprised that she was having such a vivid episode when it had been years since her last one. Three years ago, a man in front of her at the bank ran his hand through his raven hair and Rey decided to just use the ATM out front.

But the man at the bank didn’t look like Ben, not the way this guy did. She wasn’t just imagining Ben’s face on this man, he really had a similar look. It must be his doppelganger. Everyone had one. Rose had once sent her a blurry picture of a woman picking up her bag at an airport carousel and claimed that she’s been Rey’s doppelganger.

He got closer.

No. He didn’t look similar. He looked exactly as Ben had the last day she’d seen him. He had the same dark eyes, angular nose, hooded brows, and full lips. His moles were even the same. Her brain was projecting an actual replica of her dead boyfriend in front of her.

She was having a psychotic break. That must be it. Her grief was known to still strike at random and with as much force as in the beginning, but this was something new. Her grief had never wreaked havoc with her grip on reality.

Well.

\--

Rey’s mental state had been called into question before. After frantically feeling every surface of the cave wall and crawling around in the mud on her hands and knees, screaming for Ben, Rey had made her way back out of the cave and looked for help. No one believed her that Ben simply disappeared. _You must have hit your head and lost consciousness, sat down and fallen asleep, or maybe he never went into the cave to begin with._

The rangers looked at her suspiciously as she insisted that no, he’d been with her. They’d gone into the cave _together._ His camping gear was with her stuff miles back at the campsite. He was the one who talked her into camping, hiking, and into going into the fucking cave. She wasn’t crazy. He just—disappeared!

After searching the woods, volunteers walking side by side while hunting dogs looked for Ben’s scent, the police came up empty handed. There was no body, no evidence of foul play, no clues as to what happened to Ben Solo. A wary deputy broke the news to Rey that maybe Ben didn’t want to be found.

It was easier to accept that she was in fact going insane, than to give any credit to the theory that Ben would willingly leave her. He didn’t just love her; she was everything to him, and him to her. Rey never believed in such a thing as soulmates until she met Ben Solo.

No, if Ben was alive, there was nothing on God’s green earth that could keep him from her.

It was when Poe relayed this idea to Rey that she was finally able to accept that Ben was truly gone. After a year of missing posters, private investigators, searching the internet, anything she could think of; her friends had sat around her, holding each of her hands, as they told her it was time to let it go. Lay Ben to rest. Live her life. Enjoy her infant son.

\--

Rose had only suggested it once, leaving a card on the kitchen counter for a therapist. Rey wondered if that card was somewhere in the junk drawer she’d never cleaned out. Hallucinating the physical representation of her grief felt like solid ground to talk to a professional.

Or maybe she had a brain tumor. A growth could be pressing itself into the vision center of her brain. Maybe the emotion and memory centers were close by too and it was serving as some sort of conduit between the sections. That was probably not how the brain worked. Maybe the therapist could refer her to a good brain surgeon.

“Rey.” His voice was Ben’s voice, a baritone timbre.

Good god, the tumor must be huge. Vision _and_ sound? She only hoped those areas of the brain were close together.

Looking down at her purse in the child seat, Rey made to press past the man and be done with this traumatic incident.

“Rey.” His large hands stopped her cart as his fingers wrapped around the front of the basket. His hands were the same, pale skin stretched over long bones and blue veins.

It was hard to take her eyes off his hands and look up. She remembered all the things he did with those hands; all the ways he held her, loved her, cared for her. She’d hold his hand up to hers, marveling at how small she was compared to him. She’d stroke them while they watched TV, running her fingers across his knuckles or tracing the lines on his palm.

“Rey.” He pushed the cart slightly and Rey was startled from her memories. The hallucination could interact with the physical world. Interesting.

Rey looked up, tilting her head and pulling her brows together as she studied this Ben. Why was this happening to her?

“Rey, it’s me.”

Rey started to register that the man’s face was full of emotion. He looked relieved but terrified. His hand came up like he wanted to reach out and touch her and then fell back at his side. She couldn’t tell if he was about to cry or smile. He studied her, looking at her hair, her eyes. He tried to hide the fact that he’d checked out her body by turning his head and running his hand through his hair. Rey’s eyes widened in horror at the movement.

She pressed her mouth shut and bit the inside of her lips to keep from screaming. Or throwing up.

This man was real. This man was Ben Solo. It wasn’t possible. He had a grave. The last bouquet of flowers she’d rested on his name were still fresh. He couldn’t be standing in front of her.

“Rey, it’s me, Ben.”

The cart squeaked as she took a step back, her hands still on the handle as it was pulled out of Ben’s hand.

“No. You’re dead.” She shook her head but kept her eyes glued on him.

He gave a humorless chuckle, tucking the hand that had been on her car into his jeans pocket. “I can assure you, I am not.”

“I don’t—I can’t—“ She took another step back, finding herself wishing for a brain tumor the size of a softball. If he was alive, then he’d left her. They’d been right; he didn’t want to be found.

She closed her mouth, stopping the sputtering and mumbling nonsense that had been spilling between her lips. She stared up at him with no idea what to say.

Taking another step toward her with his free hand outstretched, Ben pleaded with her. “Rey, can I talk to you?”

Noticing that Rey looked like an animal about to flee, Ben retracted his step and put his outstretched hand in his other pocket. He looked down as the floor and up through his lashes at her, “Please, Rey.”

He looked desperate, but this was nonsense. “I have to make dinner.”

Lifting his chin as he looked down into Rey’s cart, he smirked as he looked back at her. “You make dinner now?”

“I—yes, I make dinner now.” Rey opened her mouth to speak, to tell him who she makes dinner for. It suddenly struck her that he didn’t know.

The Ben she talked to knew all about Kit, their son. She’d spent hours at the cemetery telling that Ben about every milestone, about the silly things Kit did that made her laugh till she cried, about how stubborn he could be, about how much harder being a mom was than she thought. She showed him pictures of chubby finger dimples, videos of Kit riding a bike, the science project they worked on till midnight together. She knew people must have thought her a fool, laying on the grass as the sun set behind the tree, talking to herself while she swiped through her phone’s camera roll.

But this Ben, this Ben didn’t know.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Rey opened her mouth to try again.

“Hey hon, do you think he wants regular candles or the number kind?” Walking around an endcap behind Rey, Poe Dameron studied the two options in his hands with a box of cake mix wedged under his armpit. “Last year we did the number but he seemed disappointed to only have one candle to blow—.” His mouth stayed open as his eye rose to study the man in front of Rey. His eyes went wide with shock. “Ben?”

With Poe’s approach, Rey had turned her attention away from Ben. When she looked back, she caught the confusion blooming across Ben’s face. “Poe?”

They stood there, frozen, as pieces clicked into place for Ben. He looked down at the candles in Poe’s hands and noticed the flash of silver on his left hand. His head turned to Rey’s, still clutching the shopping cart. She looked down with him at the rings on her left hand. There was a solitaire diamond on the middle platinum ring, surrounded by a band of diamonds on either side. When Poe proposed, Rey had hesitated, fearing that she’d never be able to give Poe all that he wanted from her, that she might never be able to give him all of her heart. But she accepted, and on their wedding day he promised to always take care of her and always take care of Kit. He presented her with the two wedding bands and explained that the three rings together represented their newly formed family. She’d never had a family before, and she felt intoxicatingly happy.

“Oh—” Ben looked back and forth between the couple, the realization that he was intruding on a husband and wife on their shopping trip dawning across his face. He looked heartbroken and the box where she kept her own heartbreak over Ben rattled against its locks in her mind.

He took a step back, pulling his hands out of his pockets holding them up in front of himself. “I’m sorry. I should—I should go.” He turned, pulling a hand across his devastated face as he started to walk away.

Releasing her hands and stepping through the space between the cart and Poe, Rey knew she couldn’t let him leave. Regardless of the pain that was sure to come, he needed to know.

“Ben—wait.”

He didn’t slow his pace as he almost ran to get away from them as quickly as possible.

She needed to raise her voice, turning all the heads in the aisle, as she called out to him before he disappeared. “You have a son!”

All the shoppers in their row were suddenly very intrigued by the spectacle. Ben stopped in his tracks as Rey took another few steps while she kept talking. “His name is Kit. He likes Pokemon and eats Honey Nut Cheerios every morning for breakfast.” Ben started to turn on his heel. “Your mom slips him candy bars that he thinks I don’t know about and he hides them at the bottom of his Lego box.” Ben faced her and Rey kept walking toward him. “He’s getting so tall, and I swear he outgrows his pants as soon as I buy them.” Rey couldn’t help but smile as she talked about their son. “And today’s his birthday. He’s ten years old. On Saturday he’s having a Minecraft party and we—he asked for a dog. Rose is keeping it at her house until the party and I’m so excited to see the look on his face when—” Rey looked down at her feet, playing with the zipper of her coat. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling, but Ben,” Rey looked up into his awestruck face, “you’ve missed so much. I want you to see his face when he gets his first dog.”

Forcing herself to pause, to not tell him everything she could think of to describe Kit, Rey gave Ben a minute to process. He looked at her face, his eyes darting back and forth between her eyes as if searching for any falsehood behind them. After a moment he relaxed and lifted his eyes above her head, staring off into the distance, taking it all in. He looked back down at Rey. “What’s Minecraft?”

Covering her mouth to hide the laugh that was breaking through, Rey thought about the best way to describe the video game her son was constantly clamoring to play. “It’s a—a video game. Kinda like playing Legos but virtually. I honestly don’t really understand it but he’s always begging me to come see what he’s built.”

“Oh. Cool.” Both of Ben’s hands went back in his pants pockets as he looked over Rey’s shoulder at Poe, still standing beside the cart.

Following his gaze, Rey smiled back at Poe who gave her a nod that meant, “take your time;” the saint.

Turning her attention back on Ben, Rey looked up hopefully at her past. “So, do you want to meet him?”

His eyes flick eagerly back to hers. “Yes.” Looking for somewhere to look that wasn’t at Rey, or Poe, Ben settled for the cans of beans lining the shelf. “But, I don’t want to intrude on your—family.”

“Ben.” Rey waited for him to look back at her. “He’s your son.” He finally gets to see his son’s crooked teeth, his lanky arms and legs, hear his laugh. She could show him pictures! Baby pictures, Christmases and vacations at Leia’s—

“You haven’t seen your mom!” It wasn’t a question. She’d have known if Leia had been in contact with her dead son. Rey stood with wide eyes at Ben, her voice rising with each word. “Ben! You have to see your mom! She thinks you’re dead. We all— You have to come with us now.” Rey turned back to Poe and motioned him to bring up the cart.

“Now?” Ben was suddenly nervous and looking uncomfortable in his oversized body.

“Yes, now. Leia is at home with Kit.” Rey turned to Poe. “Will you get the rest of the stuff? Ben is coming to the house.”

For the first time, Rey noticed the subtle anguish written on Poe’s face. He smiled and nodded but underneath was something only a wife of seven years could read, he was hurting and scared. Poe extended his hand to Ben, “It’s good to see you, man. I’m glad you aren’t dead.” Ben took it and they shook quickly, both men hiding their pain with forced laughter.

“Me too.”

Watching the two men exchange a cordial greeting rattled the secure box in her mind again. She didn’t even put words to the feelings that started to creep in on her. They were too much to deal with right now. “We can give you our address, or you can follow us.” There was an awkwardness that crept in on Rey as she put her hands in her coat pockets and looked at the floor, “I don’t live at the apartment,” their apartment, “anymore. With a kid that wasn’t the best place to—”

“I know.”

“You do?” Rey looked up as he averted her gaze. “Right, okay. I still don’t—never mind,” she shook her head “there’s time for that later. You need to see your family.”

They all took a moment to let the last word sink in.

Ready to break the tension, Rey cleared her throat. “So, you’ll—follow us or—”

“I don’t have a car.”

No, after years of it gathering dust, Rey had sold the Camaro. She still felt guilty every time they used the pop-up camper that now took its place in the garage.

“Oh, right, okay. Yeah. Well,” Rey looked back at Poe, checking in with him while she made the offer, “we could give you a ride.”

Rey lifted her eyebrows in question at her husband and Poe nodded, “Yes, of course. How about you guys catch up for a minute and I’ll meet you at the front after I grab the rest of the groceries?”

“Great idea.” Rey smiled a bit too enthusiastically for a person whose dead boyfriend had just been resurrected in the rice and bean aisle of the supermarket. “We’ll meet you up front—,” Rey swallowed the endearment she’d usually used with her husband.

Turning the cart around, Poe made his way toward the mysterious fish counter and Rey considered that it was for the best, she probably couldn’t even identify salmon in the case.

Facing back toward Ben, Rey used a hand to motion forward, “Shall we? There’s a Starbucks up front. We could grab a coffee while we wait for Poe.”

Letting her lead the way, Ben nodded with his hands in his pockets, “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con. 
> 
> Come say hello on Twitter! [HouseholdReylo](https://twitter.com/HouseholdReylo)


	2. Coffee Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most awkward coffee date ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short. I wish I could label it chapter 1.5. 
> 
> I cannot believe the response I got on this little story yesterday. I'm just a trash panda scrounging for compliments so thank you, thank you. Who cares about remote learning? PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET LIKE ME!

It was November. The entrance of the store was covered in poinsettias, and a display of mini marshmallows, sweet potatoes, and brown sugar sat between the coffee shop and the produce department. There were a few people already in line as Rey and Ben took their place behind them. The usual holiday wares were set up around the shop. Customers sat at the tables with that year’s holiday cup. It smelled of coffee, pumpkin spice, and cinnamon.

They hadn’t spoken since the aisle. She didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions, emotions, she was not ready to tackle. She searched for something to start with, something simple, but he beat her to it.

“Do you still drink tea?” He had to step in to her to let a customer pass behind him through the crowded entrance. After watching the gentleman pass over his shoulder, Ben looked down and realized his close proximity to Rey. He quickly stepped back.

With such a close-up view, Rey was taken aback at how beautiful he still was. He really didn’t look like he aged a day while she had more and more grey hairs popping up around her hairline, gravity had displaced her once perky boobs, and her flat stomach now had a doughy layer on top.

“Oh, yes. Do you still drink your coffee black?”

Pursing his lips, he nodded and there was another moment of silence as they both struggle for the next thing to say.

“So,” he ran his fingers nervously through his hair, “his—Kit’s—birthday is today?”

Jumping at the easily answerable question, Rey tried to focus on relaxing her clenched shoulders. “Yup. Yup. November 20th.” Suddenly Rey stopped her nervous shuffling and looked up. “Oh! Your birthday was yesterday. I mean, I knew his birthday was the day after yours but I just—I wasn’t thinking—Happy Birthday.” The well-wish hung ridiculously in the air and Rey struggled for what she could say to fix it.

The same humorless, dark laugh as before made his shoulders jump. “Thanks.”

The line moved and Ben’s hand rose behind Rey, as if he were going to guide her forward from the small of her back. His hand hesitated and then quickly went behind him where his other hand grasped it firmly. Rey turned to see him admiring her like a painting that shouldn’t be touched. Once caught, he looked down at his black leather boots.

“So, should I get him a gift?”

Setting down the cellophane-wrapped biscotti she’d picked up to give her anxious fingers something to do, Rey turned fully toward Ben. “Oh, no. You don’t need to get him anything.” She chuckled to herself, “I think your dead dad coming back to life on your birthday is a pretty great gift.”

Lifting his eyes up off the floor, and letting his hands fall at his sides, Ben looked down at Rey with surprise. “He—he knows about me?”

“Of course! We—me, your mom, even Poe—we’ve probably told him every story we have about you a hundred times. I put all the pictures of us—,” Rey pushed down the swell of emotion that threatened to capsize her, “Of our time together, into a photo album. Your mom brought over all your baby and childhood pictures too. He looks at them all the time.” Rey stopped to smile, her eyes drifting off Ben for a moment as she thought back to a memory. “Actually, when he was really little, he liked this show called Ben 10, but then it became really hard for him to say your name—to say Ben—without the ten. So, we all just started to call you Ben Ten because it was cute and then it stuck even when he outgrew it.” Rey stuck her hands in her pockets and shook her head. “I’m sorry, that’s totally random and I’m rambling but—”

“Rey.” He said her name slow, the same way he’d say her name when she was spiraling with self-doubt, before he’d wrap his big arms around her and envelop her in his calming embrace. “Telling me about—about my,” he struggled to get out the word, “ _son_ —isn’t rambling.”

Looking over her shoulder, Rey took a backward step toward the register while Ben mirrored her movement. “I’m sorry, there is just so much I want to tell you,” her eyes moved around the room without settling on anything in particular, her hands gesturing similarly, “but I don’t want to overwhelm you, it’s a lot. And I’m sorry we told him you were dead, but we all thought you were, you know, and—”

The customer at the register finished and Ben cleared his throat and pointed at the waiting cashier, interrupting Rey’s speech. After placing an order for her and Poe, Rey looked back at Ben and started to offer to buy his drink as well but he lifted a hand and shook his head. She didn’t push the offer. Stepping away from the counter, she waited while he ordered and paid.

How could this be happening? How was she talking to Ben in a Starbucks? Where had he been? Whatever happened in that cave? Would he like Kit?

The questions come to a halt when she felt his presence beside her as they waited for their drinks. Rey bit her lip as she looked up at the menu, “So, what—where—sorry,” Rey pressed her fingers over her closed eyes and took a calming breath. Dropping her hands at her sides, she looked over at Ben. “I have so many questions. I don’t want to bombard you, but—,” she shrugged a bemused laugh, “I don’t know what to talk about.”

He looked back at her, a small smile on his lips while a sea of uncertainty surged in his eyes. “How about you just tell me more about Kit?” He looked back up at the menu and put his hands in his pockets.

“Okay, okay. I can do that.” She scrolled through all the facts about her son. Should she start at the beginning? Tell him what Kit was like as a baby or talk about school, or how he took piano lessons. “Is there anything you want to ask?”

Ben hummed a deep chord in the back of his throat as he thought. He started to speak but closed his mouth on whatever question had first come to mind. He starting again. “Is he happy?”

The lines around Rey’s eyes crinkled as she thought about her son. “Well, I mean, he can get pretty surly when I take away screen time but for the most part, yes. He’s a happy boy.”

The barista called from the empty section of the counter, “Orders for Rey and Ben.” It struck Rey to hear her name paired with Ben’s. It had been so long, yet it felt so familiar. She gave a little wave and a “that’s me,” as she stepped forward to grab both cups. Ben also took his cup and they made for a small table near the window when a familiar whistle rose above the chatter of the coffee house. Rey looked up to see a valiant Poe with the shopping cart and the filled grocery bags. They made their way toward Poe and then the three of them walked through the parking lot with only the rattle of the cart to fill the silence.

Once the groceries were loaded into the trunk of the sporty SUV, Poe slipped into the driver’s seat, Rey the passenger, and Ben opened the door to take a seat behind Poe. Rey, still holding both cups, sets them in the cupholders in the front and then turned in her seat toward the back.

“If you,” she motioned to the strap coming out of the center seat, “pull that—” Ben looked at the seat and pulled at the handle. “Yeah, there’s a cup holder—” The rectangle armrest/cupholder section fell forward and Ben set his coffee down. Rey noticed just how cramped Ben looked in the back. His long legs were folded up and his knees look like they came up to his ears. “You could sit behind me instead.” Rey moved to pull her seat up to make room for Ben.

“No. I’m fine.” Ben pulled the seatbelt and clicked it into place. One of his legs started to bounce as his big hands dug into the flesh around his knees.

Looking back over her shoulder again, Rey rested a hand on the back of Poe’s seat “The house isn’t that far. Ten minutes.” He nodded and she turned around and faced forward. Her seatbelt clicked into place, and she shared a quick smile with Poe before looking out at the rows of parked cars.

This is fine. Everything is fine. She was just sitting in a car with her husband, dead boyfriend, and a trunk full of dead fish. No big deal.

They all sipped their drinks to keep themselves occupied for the ride. Rey talked non-stop, pointing out Kit’s school, the pediatric dentist they take him to, the house they looked at but were outbid on. Ben just nodded and hummed in approval. Rey announced, “this is our neighborhood,” “this is our street,” “this is our house.” They waited for the garage door to open and then Poe pulled the car up the driveway and inside.

Before he’d even put the car in park, Rey unclipped her belt and turned back to Ben. “So, I know that we have a lot to talk about, I’m not asking for answers right now—or, I mean, you don’t have to—but I want to know what I should tell Kit. I wish I could give you more time to think it over but, is this like, a one-time thing, or do you want to be a part of his life? I could just tell him that—”

“I want to be a part of his life.”

Poe has turned to look back at Ben for this too, concern written across his face. Kit was his son, after all. He’d been there for him since day one. He changed diapers, he cleaned barf out of carpets, taught Kit how to cook eggs, took him to his first baseball game. Kit was just as much his son as he was Rey’s. Poe loved Kit and his well-being and happiness was his top priority.

Ben looked between Poe and Rey. “If that’s okay with you both.”

The husband and wife shared a look. Rey’s eyes spoke the unsaid and Poe nodded slightly. Rey looked back at Ben, “Of course.”

A pause hung in the air as Rey started to formulate a plan. “Okay. Can you—,” she looked around the garage and bit her lip, “Can you actually go to the back yard and wait?” She pointed in the direction he should go. “The gate is unlocked. Just reach over and you should feel the—um—latch.” Rey looked back at Poe, “I’ll go talk to Leia if you keep Kit away from the backyard.” She looked back at Ben. “I don’t know—it could be a few minutes.” She let her cheeks puff with an intense breath as her eyes glazed over while she stared at the center consol. “There’s no telling how this is going to go.”

Ben placed a hand on the car handle and ran his hand through his hair with the other. “Take your time.” He took a deep breath and exited the car, letting it slam shut behind him.

With one hand on her door handle and the other holding her tea, Rey made to get out of the car, but Poe took ahold of her shoulders and turned her to him. “Rey, honey,” he searched her eyes, “are you okay?”

Another laugh escaped her lips. “I could probably have predicted the rambling like an idiot part, that feels very on brand for me,” she tucked her hair behind her ear, “but in all the years of imagining what this moment would be like, I never pictured it like this.”

She looked up from the cardboard cup she’d been fiddling with in her hands to look at Poe. “I don’t know if I’m okay. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in—this is someone else’s story, not mine. I should probably be screaming or crying or, I don’t know what— but, I just feel—nothing.”

After leaning forward to press a chaste kiss on her lips, Poe wrapped his arms around Rey and held her tight. He spoke softly into her ear, “This is a lot, honey. You’re allowed to feel, or not feel, any way that you want to right now. And when the emotions do come—happy, sad, angry, scared, whatever—I’m here to listen.” He gave her an extra squeeze and added, “I love you,” before pulling away.

Looking into his chocolate brown eyes, Rey wrapped another layer of chains around the Ben box. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con. 
> 
> Come say hello on Twitter! [HouseholdReylo](https://twitter.com/HouseholdReylo)
> 
> Thanks again to my new beta dyadinbloom!


	3. Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tells Leia and Kit about Ben's return, She is surprised by one of their reactions.

The bounce in her set curls just felt ironic as Rey tucked her hair behind her ears and opened the garage door.

With the chirp of the alarm system, Kit raced to meet his mom in the mudroom/hallway as she hung her purse and coat on the row of hooks behind the door. She obviously knew he looked like Ben, but after having just seen his look-alike, her son’s face almost knocked the wind out of her.

Sliding into the hallway on dirty socks, Kit looked eagerly over her shoulder. “Did you get everything for my birthday?”

“Yes.” He rushed past her as she called out, “Help dad carry in the groceries, I need to go talk to Grandma.”

Walking into the kitchen, Rey set her cup on the counter and looked around for any sign of the women she’d come to know as family. “Leia?” she called.

“Back here, Sweetheart.” From the ground level guestroom, her contemplative voice carried. As Rey crossed from hardwood to carpet, she saw Leia staring at the window with two different dressings draped over each side of the curtain rod. Leia was looking at both pieces of fabric as she cradled her chin with one hand, a finger raised on her cheek. “I just can’t decide which one.” She looked back at Rey, and then to the window. “Butterflies or dragonflies?”

Honestly, she couldn’t tell which one was which as she glanced at both patterns.

When they’d bought the house, Rey and Poe had designated this the “mother-in-law suite,” extending Leia the invitation to stay with them anytime, all the while knowing that her eventual residence could someday become a reality. That detail had been left unspoken between the generations, but Leia was changing little details often enough that it felt like an understanding.

“Leia,” Rey stepped toward the edge of the bed and sat, thankful for the extra layers of covering on the window that had a view of the back yard. Rey motioned for Leia to sit with her on the folded throw. “I need to tell you something and I think you should sit.”

Covering her mouth, Leia took her place on the bed, “You’re pregnant!” She hugged Rey and then pulled back, still gripping onto Rey’s arms. “Rey, honey, you don’t need to be nervous about telling me that. Of course I want you and Poe to—”

Removing herself from Leia’s hold, Rey shook her head and looked down at the bed. “No, no. I’m not pregnant.” Rey scratched her forehead as she struggled for the right words. There couldn’t possibly be any right words for this moment.

When she looked up, Leia had her head tilted to the side and her brows furrowed in confusion. “If you’re not pregnant, then what is it?” Leia’s eyebrows shot up in concern. “It’s not Kit, or Poe—”

Placing her hand on top of Leia’s that rested on the bedspread, Rey shook her head, “No, no. The boys are fine.” She said a silent prayer for the both of them in the second that passed. “It’s about Ben—Ben is back.”

“Back?” Leia slid her hand out from under Rey’s and pulled her head back, eying Rey like she was having a joke at her expense.

“He’s alive.” Rey brough her hand back to meet the other in her lap. “I saw him at the grocery store.”

With her shoulders relaxing, Leia smiled compassionately at Rey and this time placed her hand over Rey’s folded fingers, “Oh, sweetheart. Did you have one of your episodes? I didn’t know you were still had those.”

“No!” Rey was starting to get frustrated but quickly reined it in. “Sorry, no,” she said with more poise. “You don’t understand. Ben is in the backyard.” She pointed at the drawn curtains.

Looking over her shoulder and then back at Rey, Leia looked worried, worried for Rey’s sake. She stood and walked to the window, ready to pull back the curtains and help Rey see the truth: Ben, her son, Kit’s biological father, was not in the backyard; he was dead.

With an agitated sigh, Rey made her way next to Leia at the window, not caring terribly for the pity in Leia’s eyes. Holding what she could now tell was the butterfly pattern aside, Leia looked at Rey, “See? Just the beautiful azaleas Poe—” Leia turned to look with Rey out the window. A large man in jeans and a dark sweater was facing away from them and sitting on the swing set Kit was starting to outgrow, his wide shoulders hunched between the chains as he kept his feel planted on the worn patch of grass.

When he lifted his head up and ran a hand through his hair, Leia shrieked, backing away from the widow.

“Grandma, you okay?” Kit yelled from the kitchen, the sound of grocery bags and cabinets slamming accompanying his little voice.

Stepping quickly to the door, Rey yelled back into the hallway, “She just saw a spider. I’ll get it for her.” She shut the door with a click and leaned against it.

“Where has he been? Why didn’t he—How could he—” Leia had made her way back to the bed, staring at the plush carpet as the same series of questions Rey had been working to keep under control, overwhelmed Leia.

Pushing herself away from the door, Rey approached Leia. “I don’t know. I’ve had like, ten minutes to talk to him and he didn’t volunteer any information about the last ten years to me. I just want to focus on Kit right now.”

Leia looked up at Rey. “Did he know?”

Rey shook her head, “No.”

“Oh,” Leia nodded at the ground, “That makes sense. If he’d known—.” Leia stopped herself but Rey could finish the sentence for her.

In all the years since Ben’s disappearance, Leia had never once suggested that Ben would voluntarily leave Rey, until this moment.

Burring her hurt along with all the other emotions that have been threatening to make a scene since Ben walked back into her life, Rey glances out the semi open window before looking back at Leia. “I need to tell Kit. Can you keep Ben in the back yard while Poe and I talk to him?”

They both looked toward the window, “Yes. I can do that.” Leia took a deep breath and stood, straightening her scarf and smoothing back non-existent out of place hairs. “How do I look?” The vulnerability in her frightened smile forced Rey to let go the momentary resentment. “I got old while he was away.”

Resting a hand on her shoulder, Rey pulled Leia in for a hug. “You look wonderful.” The women stood supporting each other for this moment and for the moments to come, and then Leia opened the door and discreetly made her way to the back, to reunite with her long-lost son.

*

Entering the kitchen, Rey watched as Poe shut the fridge and her son shoved the empty bags under the sing. Poe asked a question with his eyebrows and Rey nodded.

“Hey Kit, your mom and I need to talk to you for a minute.” Poe turned and leaned across the clean granite countertop, resting on his elbows with his hands folded together. He looked up at Rey to give her the lead.

Sitting at the bar, Rey swiveled to pat the empty seat next her. “Have a seat, sweetie.” Kit jumped onto the seat and reached across to pluck a few grapes from the bowl of fresh fruit in the middle of the island. Rey waited for him to finish chewing, thinking back to when she used to cut up his grapes and not wanting to spring this news on him with a full mouth.

“Your Dad and I,” Rey looked back at Poe who pressed a closed mouth smile at her and nodded. She looked back at Kit, “we—we need to talk to you about Ben Ten.”

“Ok.” Kit twisted back and forth in his chair, his skinny arms draped between his legs as he held onto the stool top.

“You remember how Ben Ten—I mean, Ben— is your biological father?” Rey caught Kit look over her shoulder at Poe and panicked. She looked back with Kit, “And Daddy,” she reached a hand across the counter to take Poe’s hand and he squeezed her fingertips, “will always be your dad, no matter what?”

Looking absolutely carefree, and actually, a little excited, Kit reached for more grapes. “Yes.”

Lifting her hand out of Poe’s, Rey stopped her son from taking the fruit and sandwiched his hand between her own on the cold surface while she gave him her most motherly gaze. “When he went missing, before you were born, we all thought he was dead.”

Gearing herself up, Rey took his other hand and in hers. “But, as it turns out—”

“He’s back.” Kit finished his mom’s sentence and looked innocently up at her. He pulled the hand closest to the counter out of her grip and tried again for the grapes.

Poe shook his head ‘no’ when Rey whipped her head back to interrogate her husband. Kit popped more grapes than was safe in his mouth as Rey squinted her eyes in confusion back at her son. “Baby, how did you—”

Chewing with his mouth open, Kit used his sleeve to wipe the dripping juice from his chin. “I’ve always known he’d come back when I was ten.”

*

On his fourth birthday Kit had looked up from his Paw Patrol cake and said, “Mommy, how many is ten?”

Rey had held up all ten fingers. “This is ten, but you’re four, Kitty.” She switched her fingers to show four, “This is four.” She pointed at the lit candles, “One, two, three, four. Now blow out your candles for a wish.”

*

On the first day of Kindergarten he’d said, “I’m five now, Mom. In five more years, I’ll be ten. You don’t need to stay,” as he pushed her out of his classroom.

*

When he’d gotten off the bus in first grade, with a note from his teacher and a taped shut baggie full of Pokémon cards, he’d cried that it wasn’t fair that he’s gotten his cards taken away. When Rey reminded him that he wasn’t supposed to bring the cards to school, he’d yelled, “Ms. Tano is so mean! I hope I have a better teacher when I’m ten.”

*

At seven, he’d helped Poe build a fire while they were camping, gathering small sticks and twigs while Poe lit paper towels and used a paper plate to get the flames going.

“When will I be old enough to light the fire?” he asked as he crouched in the dirt, poking the coals with a stick, mesmerized by the flames. “When I’m ten?”

Adding another log, Poe smiled at him through the rising embers, “Sure, bud. When you’re ten.”

*

Before they’d moved into the new house, Rey had told Kit she would buy him some stuff to decorate his new room.

“They have PJ Masks, Micky Mouse, dinosaurs…”

Kit almost knocked the laptop off her lap as he landed on the couch next to her. “Mom! He settled in next to her to look at the screen as she scrolled through the options. “I’m going to be ten in two years, I don’t want any of that baby stuff.”

“Okay, okay.” To his utter dismay, Rey grabbed Kit’s cheek and kissed it. “You’ll always be _my_ baby.” He wiped his cheek dry and Rey continued to scroll.

“Wait, go back. Was that Minecraft?”

*

The bus had been loud, and Rey thought for sure Kit would want to sit with one of his friends, but he surprised her and asked her to sit with him. The art museum had been… _interesting_. She and some of the other chaperones had shared wide eyes as the curators took the third graders around to look at art that would give Tim Burton nightmares. She’d overheard the teachers say that maybe next year a children’s play might be a better idea.

He’d stared out the window most of the ride back, content to look down at all the taxis and look up at all the high-rise buildings that made downtown feel exciting. After they crossed over a bridge, Kit turned back to Rey looking contemplative. She braced herself for questions about the several naked bodies in that defiantly not kid-friendly exhibit.

“Mom, what do you think it will be like when I’m ten?”

Wrapping her arm around her son and joining him to watch the lake and trees pass by in a blur outside the window, Rey spoke into Kit’s messy hair. “Well, I think it will be pretty much like it is now. You’ll go to school, dad and I will go to work, we’ll eat dinner, and then we’ll watch the new season of Teen Titans Go before bed.”

He looked up at his mom and Rey smiled at him before he looked back out the window. “Okay,” he spoke into the window pane, sounding like his questions still lay unanswered.

“And maybe,” she poked his ticklish side, “you’ll have learned to put your dirty clothes in the hamper.” He squirmed and giggled, and then rested his head on her upper arm, still watching the world pass.

“In your dreams.”

They both laughed.

*

Children said random things all the time, their little brains working through ideas and reasoning until something slipped out. One of their family favorites had been when Kit asked from his car seat, “George Washington had boogers, right?” Rey had glanced at him from the rearview mirror with a smirk and replied, “Yes, I suppose he did.”

Surly this was one of those moments, a “Kids say the Darndest Things” moment. He’d always been so excited for this particular birthday but Rey assumed it had something to do with the negotiated extended bedtime.

“How—how did you know Ben would come back?” Surly this wasn’t the right response, but it was the first thing to pop in her head.

“The lights told me.” Hoping off the stool, Rey and Poe watched with gaping mouths as Kit made his way casually to the fridge and pulled it open. “Can I have soda? It _is_ my birthday.”

Shaking her to try and make sense of what Kit was saying, Rey answered, “Sure, sure.”

Seeing that Rey was struggling, Poe took the can Kit held up and popped the lid for him. “So, Bud, where did these _lights_ talk to you?”

“In my dreams.” Kit slurped at the root beer.

“How long have you been having these dreams?” Rey had stood from her seat to close the open fridge.

Setting the can on the counter, Kit used the neck of his shirt to wipe the sticky mustache off his lip. “Um, since,” he thought for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders and picked the soda back up, “forever, I guess.”

Taking both his shoulders, Rey crouched to make herself eyelevel with Kit, worry crinkling the lines between her brows. “You’ve been dreaming that Ben would come back your whole life? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Oh. Well, I—.” Gripping his can at his chest, and picking up on the concern on Rey’s face, Kit looked back at Poe and then into his mom’s eyes. “I didn’t want to make you cry. You and grandma always cry when we talk about Ben Ten—I mean, Ben.”

She hugged her sweet little boy. “Oh honey, you don’t need to worry about that. I can,” her voice wavered, “talk about Ben.”

“Ok. But, mom, you’re crushing my can.”

Wiping away a tear that never fell, Rey stood back up. “Sorry.”

“So,” Kit looked hopefully back and forth between his parents, “Is he? Is he back?”

Rey and Poe shared a look.

Sneaking a quick glance though the window over the sink, Rey took a deep breath. “He’s in the backyard.”

When he set his can on the counter, it tipped over and brown liquid started to spill everywhere. “He’s here?! Now?!”

The adults raced to grab paper towels and the dishtowel to mop up the mess as Kit ran to look out the glass sliding door. He pressed his nose to the glass, “Can I go talk to him?”

While Rey pressed her foot to the lever that opened the trash can lid and threw away the soiled paper towels, Poe tossed the dishtowel in the sink and stood behind Kid, a hand resting on his shoulder as they both looked out. “Of course, but let’s give Grandma a minute alone with him.”

“Look, she’s coming back to the house!” Kit pulled the sliding glass door and slipped out of Poe’s grasp before either of his parents could stop him.

*

“You need a coat!” Kit heard his mom yell as he ran to meet Grandma Leia, who was rubbing her arms and walking back to the house in the chilly fall breeze. Her face looked red and splotchy but she was smiling.

“Is it really him?” Looking at his grandmother and then leading to the side to see past her, Kit was bubbling with energy.

Smelling of make-up and perfume, Leia wrapped her grandson in a hug. “Yes, it’s him.” She smoothed down his messy hair before letting him run toward the swing set.

Facing away from the house, Ben didn’t see Kit come up behind him. He didn’t hear him until the chains squeaked as Kit sat on a swing, losing his nerve to come up behind him when he’d realized how big Ben was. In all the stories they’d told him, no one had mentioned he was a giant.

Suddenly Kit was wondering what else his family had left out in their descriptions of Ben. What stories or details had he been denied? They should have told him more. The excitement was evaporating as Kit contemplated how unfair this was.

Looking over his shoulder at the noise, Ben slowly turned to look at Kit as the child let his hair fall over his eyes while looking at the ground and twisted back and forth on the swing. Ben took the empty swing next to his son, facing the opposite direction.

“So, you’re Ben, huh?” In all the years of anticipation, Kit had never thought he’d feel angry when meeting Ben. He leaned forward to rip a dandelion from the ground, still too nervous to look Ben in the eyes.

Just as anxious as his smaller counterpart, Ben wiped his hands on his thighs. “Yup. And you’re Kit.” Ben backed his swing up enough to extend a hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” Kit backed up a few steps, dropped the ripped-up flower, and shook it, his small hand completely swallowed up in the large one.

Shoving his hair to the side, Kit laid eyes on Ben for the first time in his life. He finally understood what everyone had been talking about; Ben really did look like him—or rather, Kit looked like Ben. It was like learning the word for an emotion he’d been having for years, a physical representation of a part of him he’d never been able to express.

With their hands still entwined, Ben looked into Kit’s face, his eyes narrowing slightly as if looking for some confirmation that yes, this was really his son. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around.”

Something about Kit’s shrug as he took his hand away, sparked a confirmation across Ben’s features that Solo blood ran through the boy’s veins. “It’s fine.”

“You know,” their chains squeaked beneath their grasps, as if protesting their static state as both Solos held their ground, “my dad wasn’t around much when I was growing up. I told myself I didn’t care but when he was gone for good, I realized how mad I was that he missed so much.”

Kit nodded at the ground, sliding the toe of one foot through the dirt to make a “K.” He wasn’t mad at Ben per se, just—just that something had been taken away from him—or that that he’d never gotten it in the first place.

Looking away from Kit to stare up at the darkening sky, Ben finished his attempt at Fatherly advice. “I’m just saying, it’s okay to feel angry about me not being here for the last ten years.”

It felt like being told he could go on playing the DS he’d snuck into his room past his bed time; that instead of being reprimanded for something he knew was wrong, he was granted permission to keep going. Ben wasn’t like mom, dancing all goofy in the kitchen to make him laugh, or like Grandma, telling him not to hide his beautiful smile behind a frown; no, Ben was content to just sit with Kit and let him be mad.

The weight on Kit’s shoulders lifted as he felt oddly comfortable with the man he’d just met, his mood flipping like a coin.

Releasing his feet, Kit swung forward. “Today’s my birthday.”

Ben watched Kit move back and forth, his eyes crinkling at the corners as a smile crept across his face. “I heard, but I don’t have a present.”

“That’s okay. You can bring me one at my birthday party on Saturday.” Finding he was quite enjoying the play structure he’d neglected for the past few months, Kit used his feet to back himself up again and then let go.

Chuckling to himself and brushing his matching dark hair aside, Ben asked, “What would you like?”

Stopping himself abruptly with his feet, Kit turned to look at Ben, feeling confident in a topic he could easily answer. “A dog! But I think, my mom and dad—oh,” Kit look away shyly, “am I supposed to call you dad too?”

Asking the awkward question only a child would ask so openly, Ben shook his head and waved a hand. “No, no. You can just call me Ben.”

Nodding with finality, Kit smiled. “Okay. I think you should get me Animal Crossing. Grandma isn’t good at buying that kind of stuff—she usually gets me clothes,” Kit rolled his eyes, “and it’s too expensive for any of my friends to give me at my party, but since you’re my—,” he paused as his mouth got used to saying the name, “Ben—I think you should get it for me.”

“Okay. Okay. Fair enough.” Ben held onto the chains of the swing, backing up before holding his long legs straight out in front of him and letting the seat carry him forward, “Where would one find this Animal Crossing? What is it?”

Catching onto the playful invitation, Kit started to swing, actually pump his legs but having to bend them to the sides now that he’d gotten so tall. “Well, it’s a video game for the Switch. You could buy it at Target or Game Stop, or just get me a Nintendo gift card and I can just download it.”

Kit noticed that Ben’s mouth was really big when he smiled, and that there were little crescents that formed in his cheeks. He also had moles. Their old-timey cameras must not have been good enough to captured all the little “beauty marks,” as mom called them.

“What’s a Switch?” Ben kept his swing pretty low to the ground while Kit let himself get a little higher, leaning his body forward and back to help his momentum.

“Are you serious? You don’t know what a Switch is? Have you been living under a rock?” He’d pretty much forgotten his frustration at this point, easily warming to the man over discussion of gaming consoles. “It’s like a Game Boy but bigger and cooler and it connects to the TV and the controllers can come off.”

Dragging his feet once to slow himself down, Kit jumped from his seat mid swing, landing proudly and turning back toward Ben. “Want to come inside? I could show you?”

Planting his feet, Ben stood and pushed the chains to the side to step between the still moving swings. “I would really like that, but I think I should go for now, let you guys have dinner. Will you show it to me another time?”

Feeling a bit disappointed that their meeting was ending so quickly, Kit kicked a deflated ball across the grass. “Yeah, sure.”

With overcast skies and a setting sun, there was no shadow but Kit could feel Ben’s presence near him as he looked down at his feet. “And I’ll bring you that Animal Crossing on Saturday, if that’s okay with your parents.”

His head shot up with a grin, “Really?”

Putting his hands in his pockets, Ben laughed through his nose, his mouth closed but the dimples still present. “Really.”

It felt like the right thing to do, to hug Ben, but as he wrapped his arms around the man’s mid-section and pressed his cheek to his chest, Ben held his arms up in the air like he didn’t know what to do with them. Kit started to pull away but Ben wrapped his arms around the boy to keep him from going.

They stayed that way for longer than hugs usually lasted—well, except for Grandma Leia’s hugs.

“I’m glad you’re back.” Still in Ben’s embrace, Kit looked up, his face brushing against Ben’s sweater.

One hand moved to tussle Kit’s hair as he looked down. “Me too, kid. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con. 
> 
> Come say hello on Twitter! [HouseholdReylo](https://twitter.com/HouseholdReylo)


	4. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick chapter to finish out day one.

Water rushed from the faucet while Rey watched through the kitchen window. She pushed the thin, white curtains to the side to get a better view. It was happening. For ten years she ached for a moment that was taking place in her back yard while she washed asparagus.

Steam started to rise as the water turned hot. Rey turned the faucet off and started to snap the ends off the vegetables in her colander, constantly looking back through the glass as she worried and rejoiced for both Solos.

Rey watched as Kit eagerly ran to the playset and then hesitated when he got close. _It’s okay baby, go on._

Living without Ben had been like living with asthma. At first she’d been panicked, months went by with her airways restricted. She couldn’t take a full breath with him gone. Her chest hurt, she coughed and gasped for air, but she could never get enough oxygen into her blood and her body grew weak and tired.

But then Kit was born, and his chubby face and dark curls were like a steroid. The swelling went down, and she could function. Poe helped too. When an attack came, her boys were like an inhaler, and with time it was manageable, she could work, love, live with her condition.

Rey stood at that sink, her hands braced on either side, and took the deepest breath she’d taken in over ten years. She could taste it. Her chest rose, full of sweet, oxygen filled air. It almost felt painful as she inhaled, her lungs unaccustomed to the stretch, but Rey didn’t mind; Ben was back. She could finally breathe.

They sat on the swings and Rey watched Kit’s surly demeanor melt in Ben’s presence. She watched him light up and slip back into the carefree childhood she’d worked so hard to give him. When he jumped from the swing, she held her breath and then beamed at his perfect landing. He was showing off. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes while she chuckled to herself. So similar.

When Kit wrapped her arms around Ben, the tears fell. How could this be happening? What had she done to earn this moment?

She had to rest her head on her folded arm along the edge of the sink when Ben’s arms held Kit against his chest, a wretched sob ripping through her chest, the sound not matching the overwhelming joy that was racking her body.

“Rey!”

Poe abandoned the foil and metal pan he’d been lining at the island to run to her side, rubbing her back as the wave of emotion rocked its way through his wife.

“It’s okay, babe. It’s okay.”

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Rey smiled at Poe, assuring him she was ok. The backdoor slid open and Kit stepped through. Rey looked at her son and then back out the window at the empty yard.

“Where is Ben?” A familiar panic started to rise as Rey watched her son slide the door shut.

“Oh,” he shrugged, jumping back onto his counter stool. “He left. But he said he’d be back for my party.” Kit plucked a grape from the bowl as he smiled, “Are we having cake tonight?”

Poe tentatively stepped back to the tray and foil, answering Kit but keeping his eyes trained on Rey as she ran from the kitchen toward the front door. “Sure thing, bud,” he looked back at Kit and smiled, “if you help me make it.”

*

“Are you leaving?” Rey wrapped her arms around her body to protect herself against the chill and prayed that the breeze had swept away the waver in her voice.

He turned around on the sidewalk and removed his hands from his pockets, running a hand through his hair as he glanced up at her. “Uh, yeah, sorry.” He slid his hands down his pants and then stuck them back in his jacket, “I didn’t want to keep you from your dinner.”

Rey stepped down two of the steps that made a pathway from the door to the sidewalk. She nodded her head. “You could stay,” she lifted a hand and twisted to motioned back at the house, “for dinner.”

His hair brushed across his neck as she shook his head no, looking back down at the cement. “No. I think it’s probably best for everyone if we take this slow.”

“Right,” Rey nodded again while she chewed the inside of her bottom lip, “good idea.”

The silence crossed the distance between them until they both spoke at once.

“So, you’ll come on Saturday?”

“He’s beautiful, Rey.”

They both chuckled and Ben extended his hand to Rey, letting her go first. She smiled, “The party is from eleven to one. It will be just a bunch of kids running around and destroying my house, but Kit seems really excited to have you come and I’m sure Leia would love to see you again.”

“I’ll be here.” Ben shifted his weight. “He mentioned a video game, Animal Crossing. Is it okay if I get that for him?”

“Sure,” Rey smiled. She’d already told Kid several times that he should wait and ask Santa for the game, but apparently he wasn’t above going above Rey’s head to ask Ben, the stinker. “He’ll love it.”

“Okay, cool.” He looked around the landscaping Poe had worked several years to cultivate. “You’ve done a great job with him, Rey. I’m sorry you had to do it alone.” His eyes landed on her.

She held onto his eyes, those brown eyes that reflected flecks of gold, and even green, in the right light. “Well, I didn’t do it alone.”

“Right.” His eyes darkened and looked away. The box in her mind rattled.

“Hey,” Rey took a few steps down, attempting a smile to sweep away the uncomfortable words they both refused to say. “You should come early on Saturday, maybe ten, spend some time with Kit before everyone arrives. He’ll be pretty distracted with his friends there and I’d love for you to get to know him more.”

“I’d really like that,” Ben smiled back but it quickly fell.

A car pulled up to the house, stealing both their attention. Ben held up a hand as a wave to the driver and then turned back to Rey. “Well, I’m gonna—,” he tossed his head toward the car.

“Okay,” Rey finished the steps down the path until she was on the last one, too scared to take the step and stand on equal ground with Ben. She wasn’t ready for him to go. There was so much more she wanted to ask him. Tell him.

He pulled his hands out of his pockets, letting them hang by his sides. He glanced over her shoulder, up at the beautiful house, and then back at her. “It was good to see you, Rey. I’m glad you ended up with a beautiful life.”

She pressed her lips together in a sad smile, the tears from earlier threatening to make a second appearance. He turned to pull open the passenger door, stepped off the sidewalk and placed his right hand on top of the open door as looked over his shoulder with a matching expression, turned up lips but eyes that bore heartbreak. He ducked to get in the car.

_Where were you? Why did you leave me? Why did you come back?_

“It was supposed to be you,” she blurted. Rey covered her mouth as he froze, but then let it fall when he slowly looked back at her and she saw that his eyes were rimmed with red. “My beautiful life was supposed to be with you,” she whispered.

He turned around and took her in from her toes to the crown of her head, his lips pressed into a hard line and his eyes heavy with disappointment. He nodded. “I know, Rey. I know.” And then he sank into his seat, shut the door, and was gone.

Rey didn’t let herself cry as she watched the car drive down her road. She kept it together while they cooked and ate dinner, focusing on celebrating her caring, joyful, exuberant son. Leia wiped away a few stray tears throughout the night but they were always followed by a smile and a look that reminded Rey of the first time she’d held her grandson.

They sang, Kit blew out his candles, they ate cake. It was good. Perfect. She had everything she’d ever wanted: a beautiful family. Even her wildest wish had come true—Kit had met Ben; Ben had met Kit. He’d soon learn what Kit’s handwriting looked like, how he still wrote a few letters backward; how much cream cheese he liked on a bagel; how easily he cried in movies; how big his heart was. It was all she could have ever hoped for. All her tears should be tears of joy, and Rey convinced herself that they were as she rolled onto her side of the bed and finally let them silently fall.

She wasn’t asleep when Kit’s cry echoed down the hall, but she pretended to have been woken as she and Poe both sat up in their bed. Rey groggily patted Poe’s leg. “It’s okay. I’ll go check on him.”

Poe let his eyes slide closed as he sank back into the bed, his lips scrunched by the pillow as he mumbled, “Thanks, babe.”

Rey pulled back the covers and stepped into her slippers. She shuffled down the dark hallway until she was pushing open Kit’s door. He was awake and looking at the projection of blue starts his nightlight cast across the ceiling.

“Scoot over, Kitty.”

Kit looked over at his mother and then back at the ceiling. “You promised you won’t call me that anymore.”

Kicking off her slippers, Rey shrugged and then climbed under the covers and shared Kit’s pillow. “I lied.”

The ten-year-old reverted a few years and snuggled next to his mom, turning on his side to nuzzle into her neck and wrapping an arm over her chest. “Lying is wrong, mom.”

“Yeah, well,” Rey sighed, “moms aren’t perfect.”

“No. They’re not. You burned the rice.”

Kit’s arm rose and fell with her laugh. Rey turned to look down at her grinning son. “You said you liked it!”

He giggled and shrugged. “I lied.”

Rey pinched his nose and then smoothed her son’s hair away so she could kiss his forehead. They settled back into silence, looking back at the blue projection as it slowly turned.

“So, bad dream?”

He exhaled loudly through his nose; a mannerism Rey had noted years ago was reminiscent of Ben. “Yeah.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

Kit rolled back until his shoulders were flat on the mattress. He tucked a hand behind his head, like a little man, as he stared at the ceiling. “It was the lights.”

“Oh.” Rey tried to hide the concern in her voice, wondering if the night light had somehow played a part in Kit’s dreams. “The same ones that told you about Ben Ten?” She still hadn’t been able to reconcile that information. Was it just the manifestation of a hope her son had always had, a hope that someday he’d meet his biological father?

“Yeah, the same ones.”

“Did they scare you?” Rey reached for Kit’s free hand resting on top of the bedspread and squeezed it.

“No,” his little voice was worried, “but what they told me, scared me.”

Rey turned on her side, propping her head on her elbow as she looked down at her little boy. “What did they tell you, Kitty?”

Kit turned to look up at his mom, his features grave. “They told me Daddy was in danger.”

“What?” Rey sat up, the well-worn lines between her brows deepening. “The lights in your dream said that Daddy was in danger?”

Kit nodded solemnly.

“Oh sweetie,” Rey scooped her son into her arms, sitting him up and hugging him. He hugged her back around the waist as she rubbed his hair, smoothing it down over and over. “Daddy isn’t in danger. He’s safe in our bed. I can hear him snoring from here.” Rey forced a laugh to reassure her son. He laughed too.

She pulled him back, her hands on his shoulders as she fixed her features into a reassuring, motherly expression. “You’ve had a big day, probably a day you’ll remember for the rest of your life, and your brain is just having a hard time organizing all that information. Nothing bad is going to happen to Daddy. Okay?”

The worry relaxed but didn’t release its hold on Kit as he nodded. “Okay, mom.”

“Okay.” Rey held him again, pressing his head to her chest. “We’re all okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

She repeated the words a few more times in her mind until Kit wiggled out of her grasp and snuggled back into his bed. Rey slid out and tucked the blankets around his not so little body. She allowed herself a moment to mourn the nine-year-old that was forever gone as she backed out of his room and pulled the door, leaving it open a crack for her ten-year-old.

*

“Everything okay?” Poe asked without opening his eyes as Rey crawled back into bed.

“Yeah, just a bad dream,” Rey assured as she pulled the blankets back up and laid on her side, her eyes on the door that led to her son, the son that was having dreams about lights that told the future.

Rey stared into their dark room as her sweet husband scooted himself to her side of the bed, melded his body to the back of hers and wrapping a very protective arm around her waist as her own mind tried to organize and make sense of the day’s events. It was very late when she finally fell asleep, Poe’s warm breath still on her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con.


	5. Unwrapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit's birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so great! Thank you for all the comments and kudos. I seriously open a comment in my email, close it, and ten second later open it and read it again. Thanks again to my beta [Dyadinbloom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyadinbloom):

As far as children’s birthday parties went, Rey considered herself a bit of an expert. Cupcakes required no cutting of a cake and no fighting over whose piece was bigger. Prepackaged cups of ice cream meant no scooping or sticky puddles on her countertop. A bounce house was worth the money, keeping the kids entertained for hours without having to stay up late making any of the items pinned to her Kids Party Games board. Chairs were set up for the parents on the back patio with a portable gas heater and a cooler full of adult beverages. She had pepperoni pizza and cheese pizza in the fridge, ready to cook; she even had the gluten-free, dairy-free pizza Aiden’s parents requested, though it looked as appealing as a rice cake smeared with tomato paste.

She was ready—ready to host a dozen ten-year-old boys, but not necessarily ready to see Ben again.

Over the last few nights, as Poe warmed their bed, Rey laid awake. In the privacy of the late hour, and with shaking hands, she carefully unlocked the chains around the box that kept her memories of, feelings for, and the shatter pieces of her future with Ben Solo safe and secure.

She hadn’t dared open the lid, though; content, for now, to run her fingers along the top, down the sides, afraid of the mess she’d inevitably make unwrapping each carefully laid piece. It had taken years to arrange them all just so. She couldn’t risk opening it like Pandora’s box. What if she could never figure out how to get it all neatly back inside?

Straightening the decorative pillows and refolding the basketweave throw, Rey glanced out the large front room window every few seconds, anticipating Ben’s arrival.

Poe had come out of the shower that morning as she was applying a bold red lipstick. “Wow! That looks nice, babe.” While he used his towel to dry his hair, Rey leaned back away from the mirror and frowned. It was too much. She grabbed a tissue off the vanity and wiped it off, reaching for a more muted, natural color.

“Kit,” she yelled up the stairs as she straightened their shoes on the little shelf by the door. “Are you dressed? Ben will be here any minute.”

“Yes, mom!” his eager voice came around the hall and he was running down the steps faster than Rey liked.

“Here,” she tried to drop an armful of shoes into his arms as she lifted her chin toward the second floor. “Take these to your room. You don’t need all these down here.”

“Can’t!” Kit skidded past her, reaching for the door, “Ben’s here!”

Rey whipped around as Kit flung the door wide open. Ben was getting out of the same car that had picked him up earlier that week. He held up a hand as a good-bye to the driver and then turned toward the house.

Kit was bounding down the cement steps, barefoot, before she could stop him. “Did you get it? Did you get it?”

When he saw Kit racing down to him, Ben smiled with his entire face. He held the wrapped box in his large hands high in the air, and even though Kit was a step above Ben, Kit still couldn’t reach it as he jumped and stretched his skinny little arms.

Ben laughed at the spectacle, the sound of his pure joy knocking the wind out of Rey as notes were plucked from a melody she could still play by heart.

Seeing that his efforts were futile, Kit changed tactics. He jumped for Ben’s bicep, hoping his weight would lower the prize. Ben flexed his arm instead, and Kit giggled as he hung mid-air from his new jungle gym. Ben lowered Kit to the ground and conceded with a grin, handing him the present. Kit flipped it over in his hands and then looked up at Ben as they ascended the steps in sync. “Can I open it now?”

Sticking his hands in his bomber jacket pockets, Ben shrugged and looked up toward the house. “If your mom says it’s okay.”

“Mom!” Kit raced ahead of Ben until he was holding the package under her nose as she stood in the open doorway, still holding his dirty sneakers. “Can I open it now? Can it? Please!”

Rey turned to her left and then her right, trying to figure out where to put the shoes as Ben casually came up behind their son. She answered as she put them in a careful pile back on the shoe shelf by the door. “Oh, sure, but just a second, sweetie.” She wiped her hand on her jeans as she gave Ben her attention. A hug would be too much, a handshake ridiculous. Rey left her hands at her sides. “Hi,” she smiled.

It still felt like a strange dream. Ben. It was actually Ben. Her Ben.

“Hi.” He pressed his lips together and smiled politely.

Her attention was drawn back to her son as he jumped around with exclamations over the still-wrapped gift. “Hey, Kit, listen, honey. I’d rather you not play it now.” She gestured toward the man standing on her welcome mat. “Ben is here to spend some time with you, let’s do screens later.”

Kit’s shoulders sank as he looked down with disappointment at the suspected game between his hands. “Aw, mom,” he whined, “What if I just designed my character? I could show Ben—.”

“Kit.” Rey’s mom voice was stern as she folded her arms. “You can play later.”

Ben took a hand out of his pocket and ran it across his jaw as he tentatively stood at bat for his son for the first time. “Rey—,” she still wasn’t used to hearing her name from his mouth. “I’d actually love for him to show me—if that’s okay with you. If you remember,” he chuckled and slipped his hand back into his coat, “I’ve wasted many an hour on video games.” The box in her mind tipped over, the lid popping open, and a memory rolled out. She didn’t dare unwrap it. “I’d love to see his system.”

Kit’s eyes grew round as saucers as he looked from Ben back to his mom, a not so silent plea spilling from his lips.

“Um,” Rey watched Kit press the package to his chest and then looked back at Ben. “You’re sure you don’t mind? We could get out a puzzle or board game or something.”

The little boy rolled his eyes and groaned at the suggestion. Ben looked down at him and grinned before meeting Rey’s eyes again. “No. Really. I’d love it.”

Rey sighed, letting her arms fall. “Okay.”

Kit squealed with delight as he ripped the paper off and then handed the ball of trash back at Ben.

“I’ll be right back!” Kit clamored up the stairs and down the hall to his room, his steps sounding like a herd of buffalo was loose somewhere upstairs.

Rey took the trash from Ben as she ushered him in and shut the door behind him. “Thank you for the gift,” Rey held up the wrapping. “He’d been talking about it for ages.”

With his hands still in his pockets, Ben shifted his weight in the entry. “Of course. I’m glad he likes it.”

They let one silent, nervous breath pass between them before Rey motioned into the living area. “Please, have a seat.” Ben stepped past a pair of armchairs Leia had given them and Rey had had reupholstered with a more modern fabric. He stood in front of their cream sofa, taking his hands out of his pockets and wiped the front of his jeans. He looked like he was unsure if he should sit or stand.

“Can I get you a drink?” Rey smiled, doing her best June Cleaver impression as she tried to play hostess to a man who had licked whipped cream off her naked body. She flushed as another memory fell out of the box. She looked down as she crumbled the wrapping paper into a tighter ball. “Poe bought a bunch of local brews for the adults.” She looked back up, hoping her smile hid her lingering blush. “Would you like a bottle?”

Ben gripped his hands in front of his body and then released them by his side, pinching his lips into an awkward smile. “Oh, sure.”

Thankfully, Kit filled the room again with his energy and Rey was able to excuse herself to the kitchen to stand in front of the open fridge and give herself a minute to calm down.

God, this was weird.

She breathed in the chilled air as Poe came into the kitchen. “Need any help?”

Shutting the fridge, Rey turned with a bottle in her hand. “Nope. Just getting a drink for Ben.”

Poe nodded thoughtfully as he leaned against the island and folded his arms. “Has he said anything about what he wants to do with Kit or—,” Poe hesitated, looking for the right words, “anything else?”

“No,” Rey shook her head and set the cold bottle on the counter, running her fingers down the narrow neck. “He just got here, and I don’t want to take away from his time with Kit.”

Turning around, Poe opened a drawer in the island and fished out a bottle opener. His eyes lingered on counter as he set it down. “Do you want me to be there for that, when you talk about what to do about Kit?”

“If you want.” Poe looked up as she put her hand on top of his. “He’s just as much your son as he is mine.

He sighed, turning his hand over to hold hers while he closed his eyes and dragged his other hand across his face. “Maybe I should just let you two talk first. I’m worried that I might,” he exhaled and opened his eyes, “complicate things.” He stared up at the ceiling, struggling, “I—I want to—I don’t know how to—”

She stepped into him and he lowered his eyes, lifted his arms to wrap around her in a hug. “Honey, I have no idea what I’m doing,” she half laughed into his collar. “I don’t think we’re going to find a YouTube tutorial on how to integrate the presumed dead biological father of your son back into your life.”

Poe’s chest bounced with a single huff of laughter. “No, I don’t think we are.” He pulled her back and held her by the shoulder as he straightened his face. “But he’s not just Kit’s dad, Rey.” He grew solemn. “He was your—,” he blinked a long, pain-filled blink. “I watched you—and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but, I just—” He looked down at the tiled floor. “I love you, Rey.”

“Honey,” She took his jaw in her hands and forced him to look at her. “I love you. We’re a family.” She shrugged and gave him a reassuring smile. “Ben coming back is great. It’s really great, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” She kissed him in an attempt to promise him, and herself, that her words were true.

“I don’t deserve you,” he teased as she slid out of his arms, his hand still lingering on her waist.

She used the bottle opener to uncap the bottle and winked at him, stepping away from his touch. “Yes, you do.”

*

Both Solos were huddled together around the handheld screen as they sat on the sofa in front of the large window.

“So, I need to pick my island next.” Kit looked animatedly up at Ben, “If you get a switch and the game, you can get an island and we can visit each other.”

“Cool.” Ben met his son’s face, intrigued, and they both looked back at the screen. “What can we do when we visit?”

Pressing buttons as he spoke, Kit elaborated. “Well, each of our stores will have different stuff, and our native fruits won’t be the same. I can pick whatever fruit you have and sell it for way more bells on my island. Same for you—you can come and pick mine.”

Having no idea what Kit was saying, Rey stepped up to the boys and extended the bottle to Ben. He glanced up at her, took the beer with a tight smile, and then looked back down, his gaze more on Kit than the console. “Can we play together on other games too?”

“Oh, yeah!” Kit attempted to shove the gaming device into Ben’s hands. “Here you should try it. If you get one, we could play Mario Kart, Super Smash, Rocket League!”

Finishing his swig, he set the beer on the coffee table in front of them and took the device from the smaller set of hands. “You like Smash Brothers?” he lifted an interested brow.

“Yeah!” Kit climbed onto the couch, his dirty feet on the clean cushions as he kneeled beside Ben and looked over his shoulder. “I just unlocked Sonic.” Ben turned to look at Kit perched beside him, a look of almost surprised delight that was reflected in the smaller pair of eyes.

Seeing them bond just about burst Rey’s heart. She took deep breaths and blinked up at the ceiling, her throat tightening on her way back to the kitchen to set up.

As she’d expected, it was hard to find any time to talk to Ben once the guests started to arrive. Kit eagerly dragged the first few boys into the backyard to show them the bounce house as Rey hosted the parents that were uncomfortable leaving their child unattended at a stranger’s house.

Leia was one of the first to arrive and took Kit’s place on the couch, absently touching Ben’s knee or shoulder, as they talked.

When Rose arrived, Ben paused speaking with his mother and stood. The dark-haired, little woman placed her hand on her hips and gawked up at Ben. “Well, shit.” She apologized to Rey and then glanced around to make sure there weren’t any impressionable young minds around before looking back up at the returned Solo. “I mean,” a gasp felt from her mouth as she shook her head, “Rey told me you were back but—damn, I guess I didn’t really believe it until now.”

Ben’s hands fidgeted at his side as he pressed his lips into a lopsided smile. “Hiya, Rosie.”

“Well, don’t just stand there, you idiot.” She opened her arms and stepped into him. He hunched down to wrap his arms around her and return the affection.

Rose’s curious eyes didn’t leave Ben as Rey dragged her into the kitchen. It wasn’t until they were safely behind the door of her walk-in pantry that Rose met Rey’s eyes.

“Is the dog in the garage?”

“Yes,” Rose pulled her thumb and fingers across her closed eye lids. “Poe helped me get the kennel out of the car, but Rey,” she dropped her hand and gave Rey an incredulous stare, “there are most important things to discuss here!” Rose motioned to the wall of canned goods, of which, Ben was on the other side with his mother. “I mean, REY.” Rose’s eyes were huge as she nodded. “It’s BEN. Ben-Ben. Love of your life—father of your child—Ben.”

Covering her face, Rey groaned, “I know. I know.”

“Has he said where he’s been or why he left?”

Rey shook her head, dropping her hands and grabbing an extra roll of paper towels off the shelf.

“Okay, well,” Rose folded her arms, vexed, “that’s just unacceptable. He owes you an explanation.” Rey clutched the paper towels to her chest and leaned the side of her body against the door. Something about having Rose there in person was making her feel things she’d tried desperately for days to not let herself feel. “What about Poe? How’s he holding up with all this?”

Rey rolled her body, her forehead resting against the aprons hanging on the back of the door as she made a pathetic noise. Her words were muffled by the layers of fabric. “He’s his usual amazing Poe self.”

Rose brought one of her hands to her chin, her pointer finger resisting on her cheek in contemplation as she twisted her mouth to the side and nodded. “He’s probably losing his fucking mind.”

Lifting her head up and turning to Rose, Rey’s face was pained. “You think?”

“Hon,” she looked like she hated being the one to break it to her, “your one true love is sitting in his living room. He’s probably shitting his pants.”

“That’s not true,” Rey turned so just her shoulder rested on the door. “I love Poe.”

Rose wrinkled her face and dropper her hand, using it to place a comforting touch on Rey’s arm. “Yeah, but we all know you don’t love Poe like you loved Ben. Even Poe knows that.”

“He—No,” Rey stood resolute and shook her head, “I can’t do this.” She reached for the doorknob. “I need to get the pizzas out of the oven.”

She opened the door and left the feelings Rose had pulled out of her box securely between the rice and the sugar.

Once the paper plates with leftover crusts were disposed of, Rey took a seat amongst the adults on the back patio to watch the kids jump in the bounce house or climb on the play structure. Ben sat next to his mother with another dad on his left.

“So, you’re Kit’s uh—,” the man—whom Rey only knew at “Kaden’s Dad”—hesitated, caught between his curiosity and propriety, “other dad?” She almost choked on her flavored sparking soda, spilling a bit down her chin. Wiping it away, she and Poe shared a nervous look as Ben answered.

“Yes.” Ben extended his hand to the man, “I’m Ben.”

The dad swallowed his sip of his beer, nodding and shaking Ben’s hand. “Scott.”

Rey’s shoulders tensed, wondering where Scott’s questions might lead.

“So, what line of work are you in, Ben?” Scott sipped the beer he held between his legs.

This time Leia and Rose joined in the silent looks. They were all desperate to know what Ben had been up to for the last decade.  
  


Ben licked his lips and then pulled out the water bottle from under his chair, unscrewing the top. “I’m an electrician.”

Rey released a disappointed breath at the information she already knew.

“Oh!” A mom with brown leather, calf-high boots and a scarf so big around her neck, you could call it a blanket, piped into the conversation. She leaned forward and smiled brightly at Ben. “Our porch light is on the fritz but I’m totally clueless about that stuff. I’d love if you’d take a look at my wiring.” She arranged her scarf with her ringless left hand.

The look on Rose’s face matched the irritation Rey felt. _He’s doesn’t make house calls, Deborah._

“Well,” Ben screwed the lid back on the water bottle he’d just sipped from. “I’ve worked mostly on industrial projects—office buildings, hospitals, that kind of thing.” He paused for a second as something occurred to him. He huffed a laugh to himself as he shook his head and then looked up at the beautiful woman. “I think my license is expired, but I’d be happy to take a look for you.”

The woman wiggled in her seat, quite pleased with herself as she ran her hand through her blond hair and blinked her fake eyelashes at Ben. “That’s so nice of you, I’ll give you my number before we leave.”

Rose looked over at Rey and gave a, “You gonna put up with this” eyebrow lift. Rey returned it with a “And what am I supposed to do about it” shrug.

“Oh my gosh, that reminds me!” Jaden’s mom, whom Rey was actually quite fond of, looked up from her phone. “Did you guys hear about that guy Palpatine?”

All the adults shook their heads. “Oh,” Jaden’s mom was ready to dish, her eyes wide. “Well, he’s this big-time real estate guy who was building this new office building downtown. Anyway, turns out, his business was going completely bankrupt and he couldn’t pay his investors or the construction company he’d hired so he torched the building last weekend, hoping to get the insurance money, I guess, but the cops totally figured it out and when they tried to arrest him he jumped out the window and killed himself.”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” Deborah exclaimed.

“No, it gets worse,” Jaden’s mom’s eyes lit up, happy to have a captive audience. “He must not have realized—God, I hope he didn’t realize—but an entire crew was working overtime in the building that weekend. They all died, electricians, contractors—like 20 people.”

Leia held her hand against her chest. “That’s horrific! Those poor workers and families.”

“Crazy, right?” Jaden’s mom nodded along with the group.

“What construction company was it?” Kaden’s dad, Scott, took another sip from his beer.

Jaden’s mom pulled up her phone and quickly scrolled. “Looks like a company called Snoke.”

Rey did choke on her drink that time. Poe patted her back while Leia whipped her shocked eyes up at Ben.

Rose blurted out, “Ben! That’s who you used to work for, right?”

Ben’s face went pale as he looked down at his empty hands. “Yeah. I’d still be working there if—” He didn’t finish as she stood, excusing himself to the restroom.

“That is so crazy,” Deborah crossed her legs. “Thank God he doesn’t work for them anymore. He could have been killed.”

*

Unable to listen to another humble brag from Deborah, Rey stood a few minute later, excusing herself to get the ice cream and cupcakes ready.

Poe’s eyes followed her as she slid the heavy back door open, a look of concern sneaking out from behind his beer bottle. She stepped inside the warm house and shut the door, the seal muting the screaming children and gossiping adults.

The water rushed and then cut off from her power room down the hall from the kitchen. The door opened, the light turned off, and Ben stepped out. He looked up and caught Rey in his line of sight. Running a hand through his hair, Ben looked down at the ground as he stepped toward the kitchen. “Rey, thanks again for inviting me. Kit is—,” he looked through the back door at the rambunctious children and then back at her. “He’s a good kid. I still can’t believe—,” Ben struggled with the word as he struggled to keep eye contact with Rey.

“He’s yours?” Rey supplied.

He settled on her face and nodded.

The weight of his stare became too much for Rey to bare, as she glanced away, tucking her set curls behind an ear. “Did you really let your license expire?”

He stuck his hands in his jean pockets and shrugged with a half smile, “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll have to contact the city and see what I need to do to renew it.”

Rey took a step toward him, raising her eyes. “So, you’re planning on staying in the area then?”

Ben pinched his eyebrows and titled his head. “Of course.”

“Okay,” Rey scratched her neck, “Then we should really discuss what exactly we want to do about Kit.”

“Now or—”

Shaking her head, Rey chewed her bottom lip. “No, no. There’s too many distractions and—Oh,” her eyes went wide, “I forgot—.” She started to close the distance between them as she walked toward the garage, “The ice cream.” Once she was in front of him, they did a little awkward dance as she tried to get around his broad shoulders. After they both went left, and then both went right, Ben placed his hands on Rey’s shoulders and turned them both around.

Her mind blanked at his touch.

When he’d passed her the trash, and when she handed him the drink, she’d been careful not to touch his hands—but those heavy, warm hands now rested on her shoulders, anchoring her to the ground, and nothing else in the world existed.

Ben dropped his hands back at his sides, taking a step back to put more distance between their bodies as he cleared his throat.

“I—I forgot what I was about to do,” Rey blinked up at Ben, swallowing the pool of saliva in her mouth.  
He pointed to the garage door over her shoulder. “Ice cream.”

She dumbly twisted to followed his gaze and then shook her head. “Right, right.” Rey snapped back into herself, turned, and walked down the hall to the garage, “So, we should arrange another time to meet and go over what we want to do about Kit.” Ben followed her as she spoke, taking the hint that he wasn’t dismissed. The alarm chirped when she opened the garage door. Ben held it open above her head and followed her in.

The puppy whined from his kennel as Rey walked past it to the freezer. “I don’t think we need to get lawyers involved until we’ve sorta, figured out what we want first.” She lifted the lid to the freezer and handed Ben a bag of ice cream cups and then took one out for herself, letting the lid slam shut.

“Lawyers?” Ben let the bag hang at his side.

“Yeah,” Rey set hers on top of the freezer. “I assume there’s going to be a lot of legal stuff with you coming back.” She wrung her hands together, looking guilty. “Sorry, that was a stupid question earlier about your license. Of course, you’ll need to reapply.”

“Of course?”

“Oh,” Rey picked at her fingernails, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. “Well, we petitioned the courts a few years ago to have you declared legally dead.” She winced at the word. “Leia claimed your assets and 401K and gave it to us to,” she motioned to the roof above them, “help us with a down payment for the house.”

“I see.” Ben didn’t speak for a few seconds as the weight of that information sunk in. He rubbed his neck and looked over both cars park in the garage.

The dog continued to whine. Rey crossed in front of Ben and crouched down to unlock the cage. “I’m so sorry, we could try and take out a second mortgage on the house to pay you back.” She stood with the puppy in her arms, shushing him like a baby and stroking her thumb between his eyes and down his nose.

“No.” Ben reached over to scratch the ball of fur between the ears.

“No?” Rey looked up at him.  
  


“No,” he shook his head. “I’m glad the money was used for you and Kit. I don’t want it back.”

“Ok, well,” Rey looked down, continuing to stroke the dog, “we’ll put a pin in that until we get everything sorted out. I’m sure your mom can help you with the—,” she laughed. “I have no idea what to call it—declaring yourself undead?”

Ben chuckled, the puppy somehow making it easier for them to stand comfortably next to each other. “That makes me sound like a zombie.” Rey looked up and they both shared a genuine laugh. It felt very familiar. Too familiar.

Letting her last laugh die in a sigh, Rey lowered the dog back into his kennel, closing the metal door with a clink.

“How about Monday?” Rey stood, wiping her hands on her jeans, still looking down at the puppy who was pressing his face to the bars. “I don’t work Mondays and if you come while Kit is in school, we’ll have less—,” she blinked up at Ben, “distractions.” She didn’t look away. “Maybe, eleven?”

“Sure,” his voice felt rich and smooth, bouncing off the walls of the garage and vibrating through Rey’s skin.

She didn’t mean to, but her feet took a step closer to him, her eyes glued to his. Everything was the same, his eyebrows were dark and a little bushy, his nose large and hooked, the moles all in their usual places. She wanted to touch each feature, see if they felt the same, see if his hair still felt thick and luxurious tangled between her fingers.

A familiar warmth swirled around her, like steam from the shower. It permeated her flesh until it was heating her from the inside out.

The anguished voice might have been someone else’s but it was her lips moving. “Why did you go?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he looked down at her, his hair falling forward. “I—I didn’t—”

“The troops are getting restless!” Poe’s voice startled the former couple apart as he yanked open the garage door. His eyes darted back and forth between Rey and Ben, his smile falling.

“Ice cream!” Rey turned around, trying to cover her shame and embarrassment with enthusiasm and a smile. “Just getting the ice cream. And we stopped to calm the dog down a little bit.” She pointed down at the kennel.

“Okay,” Poe nodded, his face still drawn.

Rey hurried back toward the house, turning around when she got to the door to make sure Ben had grabbed her bag of ice cream cups as well as his. He had.

Poe held open the door for his wife as she walked in. She paused and ran her hand down his arm as she looked back at the garage. “Let’s bring the dog in after cake and ice cream. I hate leaving him all alone in there.”

“Don’t worry, babe,” Poe smiled at Rey as she passed and then looked back at Ben who was still standing next to the freezer. He slowly filled his lungs, his face severe. “We won’t abandon him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con.
> 
> Come say hello on Twitter! [HouseholdReylo](https://twitter.com/HouseholdReylo)


	6. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has Ben over to discuss Kit. Ben reveals...stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, to my wonderful beta [Dyadinbloom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyadinbloom).

“Kit!” Rey yelled up at the room above the kitchen as she pulled open the fridge to retrieve sandwich ingredients, “you better not be on a screen; the bus will be here in fifteen minutes!”

Though the drywall, floorboards, and carpet, a muffled but defensive yell came back through, “I’m not!”

Setting the armful of cold items on the island, Rey headed to the pantry, careful not to trip over the very excited puppy yipping at her ankles as she continued to yell, “are you dressed?”

“Yes,” the little voice exclaimed with indignation, the sound of dresser drawers opening and then slamming shut following his declaration.

“Did you eat breakfast?” her voice bounced off the walls off the panty as she retrieved bread, a bag of pretzels, the box of sandwich bags, and two lunch boxes.

She smiled down at the overflowing bowl of dog food and puddles surrounding the water bowl, evidence that Kit had already taken care of his new responsibility.

*

_“What are you gonna name him?” Aiden had eagerly asked as the puppy chewed on Kit’s pants, tugging them away from his ankle._

_Kit giggled, reaching down to pet his new companion as the chocolate brown lab shook his head back and forth, a playful growl coming from his denim-filled mouth. “I don’t know.”_

_“When I was a kid, we had a dog named Chewy.” Ben stuck his hands in his pockets and chuckled, watching the dog move on to Kit’s shoelaces. “If this little guy is anything like him, you may want to hide your shoes.”_

_At Ben’s side, Leia looked lovingly up at her son as he spoke, a hand on his arm and a sad smile on her lips as she shared in his memory._

_The birthday boy looked up and grinned at the suggestion. “Chewy,” Kit tested the name, detangling the puppy from his legs and sitting cross-legged on the floor. He held the wiggly puppy in the air at eye level. “Do you want me to call you Chewy, little dog?” The dog licked Kit’s nose, and it was decided as Kit laughed at the wet affection. “Chewy it is.”_

*

“No,” he shouted, little feet stomping across the ceiling as Rey gently scooted Chewy out of her way with her foot and deposited more items onto the island. “Can I have Honey Nut Cheerios?”

She cleared a space and reached for a cutting board, scooting it among the mess as she continued the loud domestic conversation. “We’re out. Do you want me to make you a bagel?”

“Sure,” he called back.

“Do you want butter or cream cheese?"

Turning around from retrieving ice packs from the freezer, Rey accidently yelled right into Poe’s face as she kicked the freezer shut.

Poe, dressed in slacks and a button up shirt with his ID badge clipped to his belt, grimaced and closed one eye at the ear-piercing volume.

“Oh,” Rey smiled apologetically, “sorry.” They maneuvered around each other, Rey dropping ice packs in the lunch boxes on her way to drop a bagel in the toaster as Poe dug around the fridge for cream cheese and coffee creamer.

“That’s it,” Poe shut the fridge and retrieved a travel mug from the cabinet, “I’m getting an Alexa for the kitchen and one for Kit’s room.” He unscrewed the top, dropping it on the counter and then stepped to the fresh pot of coffee, filling his cup. “I’m going to lose my hearing with the volume you two use screaming back and forth through the house.”

Rey chuckled as she laid out the bread and then twisted the plastic bag and set the loaf back down. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Poe shook his head as he took the top off his mother’s antique sugar bowl at the same time Rey passed him a clean spoon. “I didn’t sleep well last night. Took a long time to get back to sleep after I got up with Kit.”

The silverware rattled as Rey shut the drawer with her hip. She paused spreading mayonnaise along the slice of bread in her hand as she looked back at Poe. “Another nightmare?” It was turning into a nightly occurrence, and Rey was starting to seriously worry about her little boy.

Black coffee swallowed a white ribbon of creamer as Poe sighed, “Yeah. I’m sure it’s just—,” Poe hesitated as he stirred the liquid into a caramel color, “with everything this last week—a lot for him to process.”

“Right,” Rey agreed with a deep exhale, setting the butter knife down and opening the deli meat, “a lot to process.” Rey layered the sandwiches as Poe screwed the lid on his coffee and the bagel popped. She turned to get it, but Poe grabbed a paper towel and continued to prep his son’s breakfast while starting his own.

As Rey opened the drawer again and handed Poe a clean butter knife, she shook the yellow bottle in her other hand and then squirted mustard on one of the two sandwiches. “Did—” she tried to hide her apprehension as she glanced over her shoulder, “did Kit say what his nightmare was about?” It had been the same story each time she’d gotten up with Kit the previous nights: fears that Poe was somehow in danger. She set the condiment down and placed the top piece of bread on each sandwich, kicking herself for not waking up with Kit.

“No.” Poe pulled the cream cheese across the toasted bread. “He said he couldn’t remember.”

“Couldn’t remember what?” Kit scooped up the puppy that had scampered to greet him and jumped onto a stool at the island.

Rey turned her attention to her son, giving his appearance a once over and then gave a motherly stare. “Couldn’t remember to bring his lunch box home.” Rey threw a bagged sandwich into the Minecraft lunchbox and reached to unclip the pretzels. “I don’t want to find half a moldy sandwich at the end of the week, Kit Solo Dameron.”

Kit looked to his dad for help as Poe slid the breakfast in front of him, a fatherly smirk on his face that said, “Sorry, bud, you’re on your own with this one.”

With a guilty grin, Kit took a bite of his bagel and then broke off a piece and fed it to Chewy. “Sorry, mom. I’ll try and remember to bring it home today.”

A bag of pretzels joined each lunch as Rey shook her head and smiled at her son. “Go brush your hair and I’ll put your lunch in your backpack. Do you want an apple or grapes?”

Sliding off the stool with the bagel in hand, Kit spoke through a bite as he set the dog down, “cupcake.”

“Uh, no, nice try,” Rey tilted her head and lifted her brows as Kit’s shoulders sank with a pout. “Apple it is,” Rey reached for the fruit from the bowl in the center of the island and threw it into the lunch box as Kit ran upstairs, his puppy trailing behind him.

“What do you want?” Rey turned to Poe who was buttering his own bagel.

He took a bite, ripping off a paper towel as he turned to Rey. “Apple is fine. Thank you.”

Rey continued to the fridge, tucked behind the door as she asked. “Peppers? Carrots? Cheese?”

He took a sip of his coffee with another bite and then set both down to fill the teapot with water at the sink. “Anything is fine, hon. Thanks.”

The fridge shut and Rey tossed in a single serving of hummus into Poe’s lunchbox as she reached for a sandwich bag to fill with baby peppers. She cleared her throat, keeping her eyes focused on her task at the island as Poe set the water to boil on the stove. “Just to remind you, Ben is stopping by today—so we can start figuring out all the Kit stuff.”

“I remembered.” She heard him set out a mug and slide out her tea tin.

The zipper growled as she pulled it round the box, her back still to him. “And you’re sure you don’t want to be here for—while we discuss everything?”

Poe hummed around a sip of coffee, as Rey reached for a box of fruit snacks on top of the fridge. “No. I trust your judgement. Maybe, make sure he has a decent place to live before letting Kit stay overnight. That shit hole you guys used to—.’ He let the sentence hang, not wanting to give the unwanted memory legs.

Nodding, Rey zipped up Kit’s lunch. “No, sure, of course, that’s a good idea. I could ask that one of us get a chance to see his place before—anything.”

The clip on the front of Kit’s backpack snapped as she attached the lunchbox. “What about Thanksgiving? We haven’t really—” Rey stepped back around to start putting things away in the fridge as Poe finished his bagel. The door blocked her view of her husband again as she continued, “I don’t know if he has any plans or if that would be weird, I don’t want to make Leia choose between us and him, and if she comes here—I don’t want him to spend Thanksgiving alone, but I also don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Rey shut the door to find Poe standing beside her. “Babe, it’s fine. You don’t need to tip toe around me and this Ben stuff. Invite him for Thanksgiving. I don’t mind.”

“You’re sure?” she looked up at him, the kindest man she’d ever known.

He leaned in. “I’m sure,” he said, then pressed a loving kiss to her cheek before grabbing his coffee and lunchbox and heading down the small hallway to the garage. He turned back with a smile as he grabbed his car keys from the hooks on the wall, “Good luck. I’ll see you tonight. Love you.”

“Love you,” Rey returned the sentiment before grabbed Kit’s backpack and walked to the entry, yelling up the stairs. “The bus will be here soon.”

The familiar herd of buffalo made its way down the stairs, slipping on the shoes he never untied before grabbing the coat and backpack that Rey held out for him and running out the door. “Love you! Have a good day,” Rey called down the steps.

“Love you too!” Kit yelled over his shoulder as he ran, his backpack bouncing against his back as he raced toward the gathering of kids waiting at the end of their street.

With her boys out of the house, and the puppy napping in Kit’s room, Rey busied herself tidying up, wiping the counters and unloading the dishwasher, as if putting everything in its place would somehow organize the memories that has been spilling out of her box since Saturday.

Convincing herself that Ben would never look inside her microwave, and she that didn’t need to wipe it out, Rey forced herself to sit down and type out a list of things they needed to figure out during their ~~date~~ appointment. It was very likely that she’d lose focus and forget something important with his big brown eyes staring down at her.

Rey sat at the kitchen table, opening her laptop. The metal lid was cool to the touch but the memory that accompanied it was warm as it whispered against her neck.

*

_“Come to bed.” His nose traced along her posterior auricular vein until he pulled her lobule between his teeth while he held her hair to the side._

_Giggling from his attention, Rey leaned back into their couch, a green corduroy thing they picked up from a second-hand shop when they first moved into their rattrap of an apartment, as she stretched her arms into the air. “Soon.” She dropped her hands, letting one reach behind her to run through his thick hair as she leaned her head more to the left, giving him better access to her trapezius muscle. “If I don’t get a good grade on this test tomorrow, my professor won’t write me a good recommendation and then I won’t get into the nursing program and then I’ll get depressed and drop out of school and you’ll have to start working nights to support your loser girlfriend who somehow manages to burn instant rice.”_

_He said her name slowly. “Rey,” his words vibrating through her C1 through C7 vertebra as he wrapped his big arms around her from behind, enveloping her in his calming embrace. “You’ll do fine. You’ve been cramming every night for the past two weeks; take a break.”_

_Rey’s eyes closed, her resolve weakening as she mewled in response to his renewed ministrations across her epidermis. “I guess a break wouldn’t hurt.”_

_A large hand reached forward and closed the laptop sitting in her crossed lap, carefully setting it to the side and on top of his jean jacket left across the cushion. He nuzzled into her hair behind her ear. “Your hair smells good.”_

_“Thank you,” she smiled, turning around in his arms to kneel on the couch and rest her forehead on his as she placed her hands on the back of his neck. “I used your shampoo.”_

_“And for that you must be punished.” He reached down and grabbed her waist, lifting her over his shoulder as she let out a surprised, but delighted, squeal. He slapped her worn pajama pant-covered ass as he carried her down the hall to their bed, earning him another yelp from her ginning lips._

_“I also used your razor,” she confessed with flushed cheeks and a smirk._

*

Running her hands over her face, Rey shoved the memory back in her box. She dropped her hands to the keyboard and blinked back at her screen.

Kit. She needed to think about what was best for Kit right now. She began to type a list.

_Things to discuss:_

  1. _Living arrangement. Room for Kit?_



She wanted to write, “Safe for Kit?” but decided to make that a mental note so she could print out the document and work on it with Ben. She left several spaces for them to write notes and continued.

  1. _Weekends? Weeknights? (Cub Scouts on Tuesdays/Piano Wednesdays)_



She thought that maybe they should start a shared Google calendar to keep Ben up to date on school holidays and afterschool activities. She pulled up the district calendar and sent it to the printer sitting on the credenza behind her.

  1. _Calendar_
  2. _Summers/Holidays_



Rey pursed her lips and exhaled through her nose. What else?

  1. _Financial stuff_



She lifted both hands to her warm cheeks, resting her pinkie fingers across her lips as the thought. This part would be tricky. She still felt incredibly guilty that they’d basically taken every penny he’d had to his name and sunk it into the house. Oh god, even his car was now a pop-up camper. They’d even donated most of his clothes, only keeping a few boxes of actual memorabilia in the attic to eventually give Kit. Rey wondered if she should find those and get them down, since basically everything that had belonged to Ben Solo was gone.

Except Kit.

And her.

She groaned in her empty house, the same questions that had been playing over and over in her mind suddenly appearing on the screen.

  1. _What happened in that cave?_
  2. _Why did he leave me?_
  3. _Where did he go?_
  4. _Why did he come back?_
  5. _Is he going to fuck Deborah?_



A knock on the door startled Rey from thoughts of Deborah being electrocuted by faulty wiring. She quickly highlighted the last few questions to delete and stood, sending the document to the printer before shutting her laptop, pushing it to the center of the table, and making her way to the door.

She was going to have to start getting used to seeing Ben on her doorstep, but today her stomach still fluttered at his appearance: olive green pants pulled over thick thighs and buttoned around a trim waist, a simple navy t-shirt stretched over muscular pectorals, and a plain grey hoodie hanging over a dark jean jacket instead of the leather bomber he’d worn on Saturday. Everything seemed to fit him particularly well today and he just looked good—as good as she’d always remembered.

“Hey,” she smiled shyly as she held the door open and stood aside, gesturing with her free hand for him to come in. “Thanks for coming.”

Ben stepped through the doorway with his hands still in his jacket pockets, pulling them out and wiping his palms on his pants as Rey closed the door behind him. He pressed his lips and nodded, “Of course; no problem.”

She always knew he was a large man, his stature and presence filling any room he walked into, but she was still getting reacquainted with the way her cells seem to vibrate in his company. Keeping a safe distance between them, Rey walked around the oversized man in her entry, guiding him into the kitchen. “I thought we could sit at the table.” Ben followed behind her as she looked back at him over her shoulder. “Coffee?”

Ben nodded and then looked around at the empty kitchen, glancing over his shoulder as he took in the surroundings. “Sure.” Rey reached for a mug on one of the exposed shelves as Ben stuck his hands back into his pockets and watched her. “Kit’s at school?”

Rey hummed a yes as she poured her guest a beverage.

“And Poe is…at work?”

Turning around, Rey realized how uneasy Ben looked and it occurred to her that this was the first time since his return that they’d been alone together, really alone. “Oh—yeah, he’s at work.” She stepped toward the table that Ben stood beside. “I’ll fill him in on anything we talk about.” The black coffee was placed in front of the seat closet to him and then Rey slid her cold cup of tea in front of her and sat down.

He followed her cue, taking off his jacket and hanging it across the seat before sitting across from her. They both smiled awkwardly at each other, sipping their drinks and thankful that the mugs gave them something to do with their hands.

Rey swallowed her room temperature tea and dove right in. “Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?”

Ben set his mug down, shaking his head and swallowing. “No.”

“Would you like to come here for Thanksgiving?”

He brought the cup back to his mouth, which Rey suspected was an attempt to hide the smirk growing across his lips, as he asked, “You cook Thanksgiving dinner?”

A huff came through her nose as her cheeks reddened and her lips curled into a grin. “I’ll have you know that I’m a much better cook now than I was when—well, than I was.”

His brow quirked in a teasing question.

“Okay, well,” Rey twisted the tea back and forth in on the table, chuckling at his silent accusation. “Poe and your mom do most of the cooking for holidays, but I do help.”

He tipped the drink toward his mouth again and then set it down, his smirk fully uncovered. “I’m sure you do.”

Rey preened at his attention, smiling down at the table, and then looking back up, eagerly extending the invitation again. “So, you’ll come?”

“If that’s okay with everyone?”

“Of course.” Rey waved his concern away with her hand, knowing who exactly “everyone” entailed. She stood, taking her tea with her to warm it up at the microwave. “Having you here would be great for Kit, and everyone wants what’s best for him, but that’s one of the things we can talk about while you’re here.” She looked back over her shoulder as she popped the oven open and stuck her mug inside. “There are some sheets behind you on the printer,” she pointed and then turned back around to set the time. “I printed off a few questions to get us started. Holidays is on there,” she leaned against the island and watched her mug spin. “I printed off a school calendar too. We can start figuring out what holidays and breaks you want.”

When Rey looked back over her shoulder, she found Ben standing beside the credenza, staring at the sheet of paper in his hands, a pained expression deepening the lines between his brows.

“Oh,” she stepped around the island toward him, “we don’t have to figure everything out today. I know it’s a lot.”

He looked up, his eyes full of anguish that stopped her in her tracks. His voice was broken and hurt. “You thought I chose to leave you?”

Rey gripped the island counter for support, unable to respond. The microwaved beeped but neither heard it.

Ben took a step to the side, his facial muscles pulled down in disappointment as he continued to stare at her. “How could you ever think I’d purposefully leave you?”

Her mouth opened but nothing came out. No matter how many times people suggested it, Rey had refused to believe it—that is, until a week ago. His return had cemented it, he’d left. He’d left her. The new feelings had been eating away at her for days, no matter how hard she tried to ignore them. Death—grief—had been one thing, but it was a clean cut, like a severed limb. Knowing he’d purposefully left—that felt like sticking her arm in a tub of acid and having to watch it slowly disintegrate.

But she’d forced herself to focus on the joy, not her pain: Ben was alive; Leia had her son; Kit had his father. It didn’t matter that she was slowly falling apart.

Rey closed her mouth and tried to swallow on a dry throat as Ben waited for her to answer. With a croak, she found her voice. “I, um—you weren’t supposed to see those questions. I thought I deleted them.” She looked down at the counter where her hand was resting before turning back for her reheated tea. “You don’t have to answer those.”

She shook her head, doing her best to push past the moment. As painful as asking the questions were, the potential answers were so devastating, she couldn’t bear to hear them. “We should just focus on getting everything figured out for Kit.”

Without making eye contact, Rey walked around the island with her warmed tea and sat at the table. Ben stepped back, hesitating before sitting back across from her. She slid the papers he’d dropped on the table across to her side, spinning them as she read the first question and grabbed a pen from the cup of markers, pens, and pencils at the center of the table. “Do you have a place? Is there room for Kit? Poe and I were thinking we’d be more comfortable if one of us got a chance to take a look at it before—.”

A large, warm hand rested on top of hers, drawing her attention up. Beseeching, honest eyes met hers. “I didn’t choose to leave you, Rey. I need you to know that.”

The heat of his hand traveled up her arm and across her chest until it met a tight ball of emotions Rey kept frozen in stasis during waking hours—a ball of ice that she only melted and allowed herself to feel when curled onto her side of the bed in the still, dark hours of the night—but the burning contact was quickly releasing her hold as the ball of emotion heated, rose, and became lodged in her throat.

She drew her brows together, studying him as her eyes grew heavy with unshed tears and a small hope requested to sing. “You didn’t?”

He slid his other hand under hers, sandwiching her fingers between his as he shook his dark waves and swallowed. “No. There is nothing on God’s green earth that would keep me from you.”

“That’s—” Rey searched Ben’s brown eyes for clarity but found none, “that’s what Poe said.” At the mention of her husband, Rey looked down at her hand, still in another man’s grasp, and slid it back into her lap.

Rey shifted in her seat, glancing up at him before focusing on her mug, running her fingers over the smooth ceramic. “I don’t understand,” she breathed before looking up, knowing that her heartbreak and sorrow had spilled from their box and were written across her face. “What happened that day, Ben? Where did you go? We searched everywhere—for days—weeks. You were just—gone. People thought I was crazy.” The years of pity-filled looks and tight smiles on behalf of her sanity added an edge to her tone. She looked down at her fingers, shaking her head. “You walked into that cave with me. I know you did.” She looked up, begging. “Tell me that ten years ago you walked into that cave with me.”

Ben glanced down at the table, thinking as he took a deep breath. He ran his hand through his hair as he looked up at Rey with resolve. “Rey, ten years ago I did walk into that cave with you—” he paused, the words on the tip of his tongue, “and six days ago, I walked out.”

“What?" Rey pushed on the table, scooting her chair away from Ben, as if his words were something she needed to protect herself from.

His shoulders sank at her sudden withdrawal and defensive stance even as his eyes pleaded with her. “Rey,” he said her name in that same slow way that promised safety. “For ten years you’ve grown into this beautiful woman, and mother, and built a remarkable life for yourself and our son, but for me,” he paused and looked down, unable to watch the way Rey trembled, “it’s been less than a week since I last held you in my arms and called you mine.”

Jumping from her seat, Rey knocked her chair over backwards, sending it crashing to the floor. She tripped over it as she backed up, falling to the ground hard on her butt. Ben rose and hurried to assist her, but she scooted herself back against the island and held up a hand to keep him from getting closer.

“It’s not possible,” she declared, her eyes wide with the impossibility of his statement. She blinked up at him. Not a single grey hair or new wrinkle. His body was fit and young. His clothes—oh fuck, the clothes. It dawned on her that she’d seen those pants, that hoodie, that t-shirt before, it was the same outfit he’d worn the last time—. Her eyes darted to the jean jacket hanging on the chair. It couldn’t be—he couldn’t be.

The tears broke free as she kept shaking her head in denial. “You died. I grieved. I moved on.” She thew her hands into the air and her voice became frantic. “I married Poe, for Christ’s sakes. You can’t just pop back into my life and tell me that you walked into some fucking time machine while I’ve been trying to live without you for the last ten years!”

Rey dropped her head into her hands, her shoulders shaking as she heaved the sorrow and guilt and pain she’d carried stoically for a decade.

She didn’t believe him. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t literally be her Ben, the Ben who loved her and worshiped her, the Ben she’d made love to in their tent that morning and kissed in the darkness of the cave. She couldn’t face that Ben, not after everything, not after setting him aside like a beloved pair of jeans that didn’t fit over her hips anymore.

“Rey,” he slowly moved closer, kneeling on the ground beside her but keeping his hands on his thighs. “I’m so sorry, Rey. I know it sounds insane and I don’t expect you to believe me, but I can’t live with you thinking I’d abandon you. I’m so glad you moved on,” he exhaled a self-deprecating laugh, “and even that you married Poe. You’ve done such a good job living your life, filling it with joy. I’m just in awe looking at the woman you’ve become.”

The world was blurry as Rey sniffed and wiped away the tears that continued to fall with the sleeves of her cardigan as she watched Ben continue.

“And Kit—my god, Rey. He’s beautiful.” He smiled with red eyes, the crescent shaped dimple creasing at the corner of his mouth. “You made him and he’s just the—” Ben started to choke on his own words, sucking in his cheeks as he struggled to get the words out. “He’s just the most wonderful surprise I could have ever dreamed of.”

A tear fell down his cheek, though he continued to grin at Rey. “He’s funny,” Ben wiped under his nose with the back of his hand as he chuckled, “like, really funny. He reminds me so much of my dad, and he’s smart and kind and I’m so excited to know him more.” Ben sniffed, wiping away another stray tear. “I bought that stupid gaming system just so I could play with him, and I keep trying to beat levels just so the next time I see him I can impress him.”

Ben’s smile faded but the sincerity in his eyes remained as he looked over every one of Rey’s features, like he was memorizing them. “I’ll eventually get used to the fact that you’re no longer mine, but he’s mine, and he’s you, Rey. All the goodness in him, that comes straight from you. I still get to have a part of you to keep and I’m so thankful for that.”

Her jaw ached and her fingers itched to touch him as she watched him speak those wonderful, but heartbreaking words. Unable to resist, Rey thew herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in his calming embrace as she begged for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

He smoothed the back of her hair and rubbed back and forth across her shoulders. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Rey. You did everything right—you lived a happy life.”

Still in his arms, Rey unabashedly let her tears soak into his sweater. He just held her as they sat on her tile floor, letting her make the most embarrassing sounds as she finally let it all out.

When her bawling turned into sharp inhales and sniffles, Rey turned her head, resting her cheek on his shoulder as his hand traced up and down her spine. “Ben?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“Please don’t sleep with Deborah. I really hate her.”

Ben chuckled through his own emotion, patting her head reassuringly, “I don’t think Rose would let me cheat death twice.”

“No,” Rey lifted a hand to wipe salty tears off her smiling lips as she laughing along with Ben. “No, I don’t think she would.”

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him, hugged him tight as he did the same. It felt so good to feel him beneath her touch, so intoxicatingly good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con. 
> 
> Come say hello on Twitter! [HouseholdReylo](https://twitter.com/HouseholdReylo)


	7. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody doing ok? Just wanted to check in before we get to some more feels. This chapter will have some ups, some downs, and some more plot driving information. I really hope you like it. I just adore all your comments. And thanks always to [Dyadinbloom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyadinbloom) for always leaving the best comments while reading my drafts.

_“Which one?”_

_Startled from her daze next to the seven-foot chain-link fence, Rey turned around to face Rose’s smug grin with her thumbs under the straps of her backpack._

_“Which what?” she asked innocently._

_“Which construction worker were you ogling?” Rose wagged her eyebrows and stepped forward, wrapping her fingers through the makeshift cage and scanning its occupants._

_Rolling her eyes, Rey followed Rose to face the new half-built humanities building. “I was not ogling anyone.”_

_“I bet I can guess,” Rose threw over her shoulder at Rey before returning to the Where’s Waldo of Rey’s personal fantasies._

_“I’m telling you, Rose” Rey assured with a forced laugh, “I wasn’t ogling anyone. I was just,” she held a hand out toward the scaffolding, “admiring how far they’ve come on the—”_

_“Found him!” Rose interrupted, flashing a triumphant smile back at Rey as she pointed out her selection. “The pouty, dark haired one over there by the electrical box.”_

_“Rose,” Rey insisted, “I promise you. I wasn’t—”_

_“Mamma Mia, he’s bending over!”_

_Rey was immediately pressed back against the fence, her eyes whipping back to his ass sandwiched between a trim waist and tree trunk thighs. A sigh left her lips as she hummed, “His jeans are really tight.”_

_Eyeing her entranced friend with a wicked grin, Rose pressed her lips together and whistled a suggestive tune. Loudly._

_Several heads turned in their direction at the same time Rey’s shocked eyes flew to Rose. In a moment of panic, Rey ducked behind her, as if she could hide behind the girl an entire head shorter than her._

_“Hey,” Rose yelled through the fence in the direction of the large man, “tall, dark, and brooding.” The scattering of construction workers all turned toward the electrician who was looking a bit confused. “Yeah, you,” Rose yelled as he found her by the fence, “My friend thinks you have a nice ass.”_

_Rey couldn’t see his reaction due to her beet-red face being buried in Rose’s backpack. She imagined—and hoped—that he just rolled his eyes and resumed his work._

_“Rose, WHY did you do that?” she growled behind her best friend._

_Ignoring Rey’s question, Rose called out again. “Want to meet her?”_

_“I’m going to kill you, Tico.” Rey gripped the backpack, peaking over Rose’s shoulder as the words came out between clenched teeth._

_To her horror, the man had set down his tools and was walking in their direction._

_“Oh my god, he’s coming over. Rose—Rose, we have to go.” Rey tried to pull Rose away from the fence by the loop on the top of her backpack, but Rose didn’t move. She was surprisingly strong for a pint-size._

_Rose turned back at her best friend and spoke through her teeth in a fake smile, her eyes darting back and forth between Rey and the approaching man. “Rey, just say hi to him.”_

_Releasing Rose’s backpack, Rey let her arm fall stiffly by her side, her eyes widening as she realized he was even hotter up close._

_“Hey,” a deep baritone rumbled as he lifted his chin questioningly._

_Rey couldn’t decide if she wanted to turn around and run, or climb the fence and jump him._

_“Hi,” Rose cheerfully beamed. “I’m Rose,” she pointed at herself and then gestured back at Rey, “this is my friend Rey.”_

_The man nodded at Rose and then lifted his intense eyes to Rey._

_“Hi, Rey.”_

_Oh god, the wide, low vibrations were going to turn her into a puddle right there on the cement._

_Instead of becoming an embarrassing pile of gelatinous goo, Rey just lifted her hand stupidly and waved._

_“Rey,” the electrician tore his eyes off the pile of idiot that used to be Rey, to look back down as the little firecracker spoke, “was wondering if maybe you had time for a break. We were going to grab a quick snack before our next class. Would you like to join us?”_

_He looked startled by the suggestion, but a smile broke his features at his eyes were drawn back to Rey. He let his gaze linger on her floral sundress and then her exposed, freckled shoulders as he answered Rose. “Sure.”_

_“Great!” Rose clapped as she jumped on the balls of her feet, tracing back and forth the invisible string that seemed to be keeping Rey from looking away from his goofy grin with one of her own._

_“We’ll be right back.” Rose started to pull on Rey’s arm, who was entranced in the way he ran his hand through his hair, letting it fall back down to his defined jaw. “Meet you over there in five minutes?” Rose continued trying to tug her friend with her while pointing toward a concrete bench that overlook a grassy section on the quad._

_“Sure.” He nodded without breaking eye contact with Rey._

_After they’d bought sufficient snacks from the vending machines in the basement of the math and computer science building next door, Rey and Rose approached the bench with full hands._

_“I still can’t believe we’re doing this.” Rey accepted as Rose handed over the extra cupcake and Coke they’d bought for the grown-ass man who was apparently was okay with co-eds hitting on him._

_“Meh,” Rose shrugged, “we’ve done crazier.”_

_As they walked across to glass to the bench, the man stood, anticipating their arrival._

_Feeling Rose stop when they were a still several feet away, Rey turned to question her friend. All she saw was a flash of mischievousness in her eyes before Rose was skipping away in the opposite direction. She cackled as she broke into a run across the grassy patch, “You’ll thank me later!”_

_Mortified, Rey turned back around. She could at least give the guy the chocolate, cream-filled cupcake before excusing herself. People liked free food._

_She approached the bench with her offerings, which he accepted._

_“I’m sorry about, Rose.” The plastic wrapper crinkled in her hands as she shifted her weight. “You don’t have to—feel free to—,” her shoulders shifted as if she was going to walk back in the direction Rose had retreated, “I can just go.”_

_Rey was looking down at her Keds when he purred, “Will you stay and eat your cupcake with me?”_

_She looked up, a smile tugging on her lips, her eyes bright. “Sure.”_

_Swinging her backpack off, Rey and the man sat on the bench. They set the food down between them and he extended a hand with a smile. “I’m Ben.”_

_She took it, a flutter starting in her stomach as she tucked her hair behind one ear and smiled back. “Hi, Ben. It’s nice to meet you.”_

_*_

_“Babe!”_

_Rey kicked the door to their apartment shut and felt the entire building rattle with it._

_“I got my test back!” She continued to yell as she shucked off her school things, kicking off her shoes and letting her coat fall across the back of the couch. “I’m a shoo-in for a good recommendation now.”_

_Her voice carried as she started to make her way through the few living spaces. He wasn’t in the kitchen. Obviously not in the living room._

_“Ben? Sweetie?”_

_She walked down the small hallway into their bedroom, her voice bouncing off the walls. His Snoke jacket was across the couch with hers, his keys on the kitchen counter. The bedroom was empty. She thought he might be taking a shower, but the pipes weren’t groaning behind the walls. Maybe he went to help their elderly neighbor across the hall with his TV again._

_“Ben, are you—”_

_Knocking as she pushed open the bathroom door, Rey found her six-foot two boyfriend in a crumpled heap on the stained bathroom floor._

_“Ben!” Rey rushed to his side, falling to her knees as she rolled him over. She’d been volunteering at the clinic and started to run through the few life saving techniques she’d become certified in._

_“Ben?”_

_He blinked up at her with swollen, tear filled eyes._

_Oh, thank god. He was conscious._

_“Babe, what happened?” She scanned his body for signs of injury before he reached for her and pulled her to his chest. It rose and fell. His heartbeat was rapid, but strong._

_He laid on the floor, clutching her to him, as he began—or resumed—sobbing. She let him hold her like a child clinging to a stuffed animal for a few minutes, until the wave of tears receded for a bit._

_Rey pulled herself back up, and tried to do the same with him, encouraging him to lean against the tub. She noticed his phone sitting in the basin, the screen cracked beyond repair.  
“Ben, honey, you’re scaring me a bit. Can you please just tell me what happened? Are you okay?” She shook her head realizing how stupid that sounded. “I mean, physically. I can’t tell if you’re injured or something.”_

_“I’m not hurt,” he choked out as he brought his knees up and buried his face in his folded arms atop them. A fresh swell overtook him as he tried to continue. Tears ran down his forearms and dripped of his elbow. “My dad,” the words barely make it out. “Gone.”_

_Rey started to open her mouth, Han had been missing from periods of Ben’s life before, but he cut her off as he lifted his head and shook it. “No. Gone-gone, Rey.”_

_The world became blurry as it flipped upside down, the contents of their lives sliding out to shatter on the ground._

_With red-rimmed, emotion-filled eyes, Rey leaned her back against the tub, looking for something sturdy to ground herself to in the dizzying moment. She took Ben’s head to rest it against her chest as she stared at the dark wood door with a tacky gold handle that swung into the bathroom._

_“But, he can’t—we just—he left his—.”_

_Ben wrapped his arms around Rey’s waist as he sank back to the floor, his head eventually sliding into her lap. Her fingers instinctively lifted to start running through his hair, to comfort him or herself, she wasn’t sure. The movement eventually brought Ben’s breathing back to normal and her world back upright, as she tried to process the information._

_Han, Ben’s dad_ _— the dad he’d just started trying to repair his relationship with, the one who winked at her when she’d apologized for bickering with Ben at their small kitchen table and said, “In my day we called that foreplay,” earning himself an elbow in the ribs from Leia and an embarrassed groan from Ben—that Han couldn’t just be...gone._

_She wanted to know how, but it didn’t feel right to ask just then. He would eventually tell her._

_“Ben,” she started tentatively, pulling back his hair from his forehead. “What can I do? Do you want me to take you to your mom’s?“_

_He shook his head no into her shirt, his body shaking as wave after wave of grief washed over him._

_“Okay. It’s okay.” She rubbed his back, her own tears falling. Luke or Lando would be with Leia. Ben was in no state to give her support right now anyway. “It’s gonna be okay.”_

_They sat there on the linoleum floor, Ben clutching her while emotions poured out of him that she’d never seen from him before. She tried not to let them scare her, tried to be his rock amongst the current, putting her own grief on hold to address his much worse wounds._

_Eventually he stilled, the tide receding. He rested his head on her thigh and stared at the toilet bowl while she alternated between rubbing his shoulders and tucking his hair behind his ear. A few silent tears fell over the bridge of his nose, but the steady stream had stopped._

_“Do you want to eat?”_

_It was barely a movement, but he shook his head no._

_“Do you want to get into the bed?”_

_Again, no._

_“Do you want to sleep?”_

_His shoulders shrugged and then he shook his head, no._

_He closed his eyes and then whispered, “I’m sorry, Rey. I don’t know what I want. I want to just not feel this anymore, just for a few minutes.”_

_“Okay,” Rey thought about what she could do. “Do you mind if I leave the bathroom for a few minutes? I’ll be right back.”_

_He nodded yes and she helped him up to lean his shoulder into the corner between the tub the wall where the towels hung. She held each of his slumped shoulders as she gently kissed his forehead. “I’ll be right back.”_

_When she returned, she was dragging all their bedding and mismatched pillows with her._

_“Here,” she motioned for him to scoot a bit so she could prop their pillows against the tub and lay out their comforter on the floor. She tucked him into his corner, wrapping a throw blanket over his legs._

_When the bathroom floor was as comfortable as possible, Rey held up a hand. “I’m not done.”_

_She returned with her laptop, its plug, a box the size of a book, two water bottles and an armful of snacks, including two chocolate, cream filled cupcakes, with swirls of vanilla icing on top._

_“I was saving this for your birthday,” Rey set the laptop on the lid of the toilet, the prepackaged snacks falling to the floor as she worked to plug the computer in by the mirror and turn off the light. She turned back for the box on top of the laptop, ripping the cellophane with her teeth while lifting the lid and booting up the computer. “But maybe this might distract you for a little bit.”_

_She unwrapped the 5 th season of Lost and popped in the first DVD as she angled the laptop toward their makeshift bed. Snuggling next to Ben, Rey pressed herself to his side scooping up the food and water so it would be in his reach, should he decide to eat something._

_They stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the night, burning their way through two DVDs before Rey’s head started to bob._

_With a yawn, she shook herself awake and reached for the DVD box when the last episode ended, taking them back to menu screen. Ben reached forward before she could, shut the laptop, and then drew her into his side._

_She thought they’d just drift to sleep, her resting her head against his chest as he leaned into the towels and the wall, but he spoke with a voice too exhausted for inflection. “He drowned.”_

_Slowly, Rey twisted with his arm wrapped around her so she could see his face in the light drifting in from their bedroom. She brushed the hair from his eyes. There were no more tears, but they were hallowed by grief. He broke his blank stare at the single sink vanity, turning his face slightly to blink at her._

_“They found his truck and his fishing stuff by the river. His phone was back with his things, so he missed the flash flood warning. They haven’t even found his body or—,” he gasped on an inhale as the horrible words released more tears, “the dog’s.”_

_Rey wrapped her arms as tightly around his waist as she could, willing any strength she had to pass through to him as she pressed her cheek to his chest. “I’m so, so sorry, Ben. I’m so sorry this happened and that you have to feel this. I wish I could take it away for you. Hold it, even if just for a few minutes.”_

_He lifted a hand and ran it down the back of her head, smoothing down her hair, “We were supposed to have more time.”_

_“You were, sweetie,” she breathed into his shirt, “you were.”_

_Sleep eventually overtook them both as they huddled in the safe space Rey had created for them on the bathroom floor. They moved around a bit through the night, eventually slipping down to lay on their makeshift bed in each other’s arms._

_In the morning, as Rey escorted Ben back to their bed to get a few more hours of sleep before they needed to face the realities of what that day would offer, Rey noticed the empty cupcake wrapper and smiled to herself, glad that he’d at least eaten something._

*

Still on the kitchen floor, Rey pulled herself from Ben’s arms with a shy smile. It had been a few minutes since any tears had fallen but she wiped her cheeks anyway as she scooted back to rest against the island.

Ben stood up to retrieve his coffee and her tea and then joined her against the white painted cabinetry. They sat there, their drinks in hands, legs outstretched, and backs against the wood as the bomb Ben had releases settled around them.

Ten years—six days.

It was really him, her Ben from the cave, just—she wasn’t the Rey from the cave any longer.

Tipping his mug to his lips, Ben broke the silence. “So, did you ever watch the last season of Lost?”

She whipped her wide eyes to him. “Oh my god! You never saw the end!” Rey started to chuckle as she shook her head and sipper her tea. “Don’t worry,” she smiled as she swallowed, “you didn’t miss anything.”

“How about Dexter?” He shifted one knee up and rested an arm across it as he held the coffee with both hands.

Rey almost choked on her tea. She cleared her throat. “Terrible ending too, but I heard it’s coming back so—,” she crossed her fingers in the air.

With fallen shoulders and raise brows, he turned his head toward her. “Sons of Anarchy?”

She started to chuckle again, wiping spilled tea from her chin as she shook her head. “Uh-uh.”

“How I Met Your Mother?”

The mug had to be set on the floor to keep from spilling at Rey started to really laugh, her head falling back and her light curls bouncing.

“What about Game of Thrones? What happened to that Snark guy?”

“Stark.” Tears started to leak from the corners of her eyes. Tears of laughter.

Ben looked at her amused but obviously missing the joke. “Oh!” Another one dawned on his face, “Breaking Bad! What happened to Walter?”

With her eyes closed, Rey waved a hand in front of her, as she struggled to compose herself. “I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t be so funny, but—.” She tried to press her lips together to keep her laughter under control as she looked back at Ben, but it burst forward regardless. “They’re dead. They’re all dead. Well, Dexter isn’t dead, but Deb is. It just never occurred to me how horribly all those shows ended.”

“Huh,” Ben sat back against the island, his head thunking against the satin finish. “Well, that sucks.”

Rey used both hands to clear her eyes again, the last remaining chuckles finding their way out and ending in a sigh. “It really does suck, but you should still watch Breaking Bad, and some of the other shows. Oh!” She brightened as she turned back to him, “You get to watch so many Avenger movies. I can make you a list.”

Rey took a sip of her tea and settled back against the island. “Wow, ten years,” she sighed, “You missed so much.”

Her last words sunk deeper than she’d meant them to.

While Ben looked into his coffee, Rey volunteered more missing information.

“I finished nursing school.”

“You did?” he looked excitedly over at her.

“It took a little longer with...” Rey hesitated, “...everything. But once Kit was a little bigger, Poe encouraged me to finish, and I did.” She took a sip, swallowing and hoping that the mention of her husband wouldn’t break the relaxed bubble she found herself in with Ben. “I only work part-time right now, but once Kit’s a little older, I’ll try full-time.”

“That’s great, Rey,” he smiled genuinely at her. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” She blushed at the praise, shifting the mug in her hand.

“So,” she took a sip, “where are you staying?”

“Oh,” he extended his leg and crosses his feet at the ankle as he sat his coffee on the floor beside him. “Um, I’m actually staying at our old apartment.”

“What?” Rey twisted to look at him, her eyebrows jumping up her hairline. “How!?”

Ben scratched at his jaw as he contemplated, looking down at the ground and then up at Rey. With a sigh he dropped his hand into his lap, “Should I just start from the beginning?”

“Yes! Absolutely!” Rey twisted away from the wall, crossing her legs to face Ben. “Please, I’ve been—just yes, anything you want to tell me, I want to hear.”

With a deep breath, Ben geared himself up, turning his body to face Rey in the same cross-legged position on the floor, their knees almost touching. He rubbed his hands across his thighs, looking at the ground as he started to speak.

“So, the last I remembered, we’d hiked, found the cave, I convinced you that there wouldn’t be bears in it.”

Rey nodded eagerly and leaned forward with her mug between her hands, she’d been waiting to hear this moment replayed from his perspective for ten years. “You told me the bats would be asleep.”

Ben chuckled. “Yes, you were not amused.”

“No, I was not.” Rey set her tea down and folded her arms.

Ben noted the folded arms and then cautiously continued. “We walked deeper, we heard what sounded like an underground river behind a wall, I made you turn off your flashlight, and then I—” He paused, unsure if he should say the words.

“You scared the crap out of me!” She unfolded her arms and slapped his bicep. She’d just about jumped out of her skin when he’d silently snuck behind her in the pitch black and then grabbed her waist.

“Ben rubbed his arm and huffed a laugh. “Yeah, you hit me then too.”

“Right,” Rey blushed, thinking of how he’d then turned her around in his arms and kissed the anger from her lips. Their last kiss. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” He took another deep breath, looking up at the ceiling as she tried to find the words for whatever was coming next. “After that, I walked ahead of you a bit, and Rey,” he focused back on her, his expression as serious as she’d ever seen it, “I saw my dad.”

“Han?”

“I don’t—,” one of his knees started to shake, “it’s really hard to explain and remember.” He wrinkled his brows and looked down at his wringing hands. “You know how in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, those kids lived like, an entire life, but when they stepped back through, it felt like a strange dream and they couldn’t quite remember it all?”

Ben lifted his head and Rey tried to relax the confusion from her face, encouraging him to continue.

“It felt like that. I knew time had passed but not how much. I remember talking to my dad, a lot. He was there. I can’t remember anything we said or talked about, but I remember how I felt. At first, I was angry at him for dying. Angry for all the time we could have spent together when he was alive but didn’t.”

Rey set her hand on his knee, with a sad, but caring frown. He looked down at where she was attempting to comfort him, and his knee stilled. “But then,” he looked up, “then I felt forgiveness, and—I don’t know, reconciliation?” He looked down at his lap with a huffed breath and a smile, “I even remember laughing. I don’t know what about, but it felt—” He took a deep breath and sighed, “It felt like he knew I loved him. I spent so many months thinking he’d died without knowing that.”

Squeezing his knee, Rey gave a half-smiled. “That’s really great, Ben. I mean, I don’t quite understand it but I’m happy that you were able to make peace with your dad. He knew you loved him. I promise, he knew.”

Content, Ben let air pass through his nose as he pressed his lips together and nodded.

Rey pulled her hand back into her lap and brough her mug back to her quirked lips. “So, after your existential crisis, where you talked to your dead father in a mystical, time traveling cave—”

Rubbing a hand through his hair, Ben smiled at her snark.

“Right, well, after that, I guess I woke up?” He shrugged, obviously unsure how to fit all the mismatched pieces of his puzzle together. “I started calling your name. Thought, maybe I’d passed out and you’d gone for help.”

As her past self re-entered the story, Rey stiffened. “Wait.” She set the tea back down and held up a finger, pausing him as she stood. “We need reinforcements.” 

She left for the living room and returned with as many pillows and throw blankets as she could carry. After arranging a nest for them to sit on, she stood back up and walked around the island to the fridge. She came back with a couple of opened beers and two cream-filled, chocolate cupcakes with swirls of vanilla icing on top.

“Here,” she handed him a bottle and a snack cake. “I think we’re going to need something stronger if you’re going to finish this story.”

“Thanks,” he accepted her offering as she sat and arranged herself as they’d been before, both cross-legged and facing each other.

Pulling open the plastic wrapper, Ben resumed his tale. “I found my way back out of the cave, only to find that it was dusk.” He pulled the cupcake out of the package. It looked like a minimuffin in his large hands. “I thought I must have been out for a couple hours and that you just hadn’t returned yet.“ He bit into the cupcake, taking half of it, though the entire thing would have fit in his mouth. “I wasn’t sure if I should wait for you or go back to our camp.” He licked a crumb from the corner of her mouth as he chewed. “Anyway,” he shrugged, “I decided to head back to camp.”

While he took a sip of his beer, Rey opened the cupcake in her lap and picked up the story for him. “And then you found our stuff gone.”

“Well,” he crumpled the plastic wrapper in his palm and then set it on the floor, “I first noticed that the sun was rising, not setting, but that wasn’t the most unsettling part,” he put the rest of the cupcake in his mouth, talking around the flour and sugar and cocoa, “it was the leaves on the ground that got me.”

“Oh, right!” Rey’s eyes widened as she mumbled around a mouth-full of cake.

“Considering it was spring when we went into the cave, coming out and realizing the trees had all lost their leaves overnight was my first clue that I was dealing with some grade-A Twilight shit.”

Rey giggled. Ben was funny. She missed that.

“How did you get back?” Rey looked up before taking another bite.

He took a sip of beer and then pulled the back of his hand across his face. “Hitchhiked.” Leaning his elbows on his knees, Ben held the beer bottle between his hands, focusing on the label and seemingly unaware that his hands had entered Rey’s bubble of person space. She wondered if she should scoot back an inch.

She didn’t.

“I was pretty disoriented, thought maybe I was still dreaming, but I made it back to our apartment. I hoped that if I could find you, you’d make sense of everything for me. Maybe take me to get a brain scan or something.” He laughed, Rey assumed because of the preposterous situation.

“But I wasn’t there.” She licked cream from her bottom lip.

“No,” he looked quickly away from the subtle mannerism, a flush of embarrassment on his cheeks. “You were not. I tried to use my key, which I still had in my pocket, but when I started messing with the lock, someone else opened the door.”

The half empty cupcake sat in Rey’s hands as her shoulders fell. “Ben,” she shook her head, wiping her hand across her mouth to make sure she hadn’t left any more cream. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so focused on trying to keep everything—” she huffed, nor really a laugh but a realization that trying to keep her feelings and memories in her box had been like trying to keep Kit’s toys cleaned up when he was younger, a never-ending struggle, “organized. I hadn’t really given much thought to what you’d be going through.”

“No, it’s okay.” Ben set the beer down and leaned back. “Up until a few minutes ago, you thought I left you. Of course, you’d be mad.” He glanced at her face, his brown eyes checking her hazel for any residual anger.

Rey shook her head as she set the rest of the cupcake on top of the wrapper on the blanket and brushed the crumbs from her fingers. “I wasn’t mad. I was more—hurt.”

A windowpane in the house that was Ben Solo cracked.

She was desperate to fix it.

“But it’s fine, you didn’t mean to go.” She shook her head, trying to erase or move past the moment. “Keep going,” she sipped from her beer and made a rolling motion with her free hand. “Who was at the door?”

As Ben shifted, preparing himself to answer, the doorbell rang.

With an irritated sigh, Rey uncrossed her legs and stood, setting her beer on the island counter. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.”

She hoped it was a package or someone selling something that she could quickly turn away.

When she opened the door, she was met with a blond ponytail, a puffy, down Eddie Bauer jacket, and Lululemon leggings.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me._

“Deborah,” Rey painted on a smile, “what can I do for you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying this fic, I’d love if you gave another one of my works a read.
> 
> [ Yoga Is For Hippies ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782273/chapters/57129187): Professional golfer Kylo Ren/Ben Solo finds a cute little yoga instructor to help him loosen his hips. Explicit. 23 Chapters. COMPLETE (My first fic!) 
> 
> [Stage Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934285/chapters/60347938): High school theater kids AU set in the year 2000 with lots of teenage drama/angst. Explicit. 
> 
> [A Vineyard in Baal-Hamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459019/chapters/59026630): Medieval/renaissance piece. Rey and Kylo/Ben are sexual slaves for King Snoke. Explicit. Tagged for Non-Con. 
> 
> Come say hello on Twitter! [HouseholdReylo](https://twitter.com/HouseholdReylo)


End file.
